


Honeydrops

by baekilui



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Romance, Soft Byun Baekhyun, Soft Park Chanyeol, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26977243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekilui/pseuds/baekilui
Summary: Baekhyun thought that there's nothing a few sweets couldn't fix... before he met Chanyeol.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 30
Kudos: 35





	1. winegums

**Author's Note:**

  * For [uwu_yeol](https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwu_yeol/gifts).



> This is dedicated to my dearest beta, uwu_yeol. Thank you for becoming one of my closest friends during these 10 months I have had the pleasure of knowing you <3 I love you, thank you for being an inspiration to me every day.
> 
> This work is also inspired by my many friendships, some of which have unfortunately died out, but some have flourished because of hardships. I tried to have a more realistic take on the whole "saving someone with love" -trope. And, Idk, maybe you can relate to Baekhyun or Chanyeol in this. This was a very healing piece to work on, but also very personal to me.
> 
> ON THAT NOTE, I must also advise you to NOT read this if you are overly sensitive to topics such as depression or suicide (attempts). This might be triggering, but keep in mind, my stories never have sad endings ;) But be warned.
> 
> I know,,, I promised this a long time ago...  
> I've been super busy for the past few months when I was supposed to finish this fic, so, sorry about that :( bUT, for now I'm just happy to be working on fanfics again!
> 
> Thank you! How are you?<3  
> I really hope you enjoy this fanfic and will join me for the next 9 Sundays?
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this!

"We all have problems, some have bigger issues and some have smaller. But no matter how difficult, a problem is still a problem and needs to be solved," the thin lady in front of the class explains.

Baekhyun is listening to the nurse who is explaining the difficulties of mental health problems. His busy thoughts of video games he spent hours and hours on last night, sacrificing a good night's sleep, are all interrupted by this surprisingly intriguing lecture. He can't even think about what he should play after his shift tonight. He can't even drift off.

"That's why my office is always open for you if you want to come and talk about something. Anything, you can tell me anything," the nurse says with a sympathetic smile. Baekhyun frowns. Not because he himself has something on his chest, but because he can't even imagine being that troubled all the time. He can't comprehend the reality of that.

He looks around the classroom and the expressions on everyone's faces. Some look down at their desk in thought, others look around bored but some people, like Baekhyun, pay attention.

About 30 people in this room and Baekhyun knows nothing about them. Sure, he knows everyone's names and faces, but he doesn't know anything personal about them. He does know who shows up to parties and who doesn't, who drinks until they pass out, and who shows up just for the laughs. But he doesn't know why most people hang their heads low in front of the nurse, he doesn't know why only some people find this lecture interesting.

He knows nothing.

He looks out the window but is greeted with his own reflection. Behind him are tens of students dressed in school uniforms, just glad to be away from home. Or how would he know? He stares at his own reflection in the window and wonders. Does anyone know him at all either? His brown hair that's always such a mess, parted from the middle. His brown eyes. His small lips that look like the letter S in the Korean alphabet. His moles. None of these characteristics say anything about his personality. No matter how hard he looks at other people's faces, he can't tell what they're thinking about. He isn't granted superpowers, sadly.

As he's staring at his classmates, one of them glances back at him. His eyes have that sad glow in them, and he's way too big for that seat. This school was not built for giants like him. Baekhyun smiles in his way but the guy quickly looks away, and so does Baekhyun. His smile isn't always taken that well, but it never hurts to try.

Sure he's quite the heartthrob as he smiles that sweet smile of his to technically everyone who ever looks his way. Baekhyun stares a lot, and people don't always realize his intentions, he only wants to make people feel better, spread infectious smiles and giggles in the world. But how would they know that? They can't read Baekhyun's mind.

During recess, Baekhyun immediately finds his best friend, Jongdae. Jongdae is in 12th grade, Baekhyun is one year below him but they're the same age. Only because Baekhyun had to do 10th grade twice. He had a lot going on back then, and frankly, school wasn't at the top of his priority list. It showed during the finals, and he didn't pass all of his classes. So he had to do it again. Not that it much mattered to him, he can focus much better without Jongdae there so easy to distract...

He starts yelling as soon as Jongdae gets in the hearing distance. All kinds of nonsense, like he always does. Jongdae raises his head to see Baekhyun practically screaming at him. People look at him like he is a maniac, but he doesn't care, again he just smiles at the passing faces. He's the kind of person you either love or hate, he's loud, sure, but he can be lots of fun as well.

"Jeesh, what do you want?" Jongdae starts all irritated. He looks around to see if people notice, his whole demeanor shrinks as he does so.

But that only makes Baekhyun even more content on doing this. For Jongdae's own good, he says. "Love you too," Baekhyun says and pokes his tongue out.

Jongdae is leaning against a wall in the hallways with Luhan and Minseok. You could say they're the visual group every girl falls in love with, but Baekhyun thinks it's only because of Luhan's pretty face, Minseok's abs and how sexy Jongdae looks when he sings. Baekhyun is just the annoying loud kid every group of friends needs to repel any possible future spouses. Sure he's fun and charming and a good listener, but that only gets you so far. 

Minseok and Luhan turn their heads to Baekhyun's direction too. He has a habit of cutting off everyone when he enters the chat. He knows they were talking about something useless anyway, like soccer. If they actually talked about something interesting for a change, he'd gladly join.

"I thought you were at soccer practice," Baekhyun starts all innocently, looking at the two eldest in the group. Minseok and Luhan smile and shake their heads.

"That might've worked last time, but not this time."

Baekhyun smiles back mischievously. He knows they shouldn't be at practice, but he loves to cause extra stress on them. He just loves the feeling when he successfully tricks the two. Minseok and Luhan don't find it so funny. Figures. They have no sense of humor.

"Don't bully them like that!" Jongdae pouts and hits Baekhyun slightly. Jongdae used to love pranking everyone with him, but now he only defends Minseok and Luhan every chance he gets.

"Since when have you been on their side?"

"We don't pick sides in a group of friends. Start acting your age." Baekhyun is indeed 18, so are the three others in the group.

Baekhyun sighs. He doesn't know what else to say. Being funny is his asset, but if they don't want to be funny, he doesn't really know what to talk about. He can, of course, join the conversation, but he has nothing to say to their stupid soccer.

"Anyway, as I was saying, Ronaldo should've totally made that kick. It would've ended the whole game," Luhan continues telling. Baekhyun rolls his eyes. He knew it. They were talking about soccer.

"That kick would've been disqualified and you know it," Jongdae replies. Baekhyun turns to him quickly with eyes wide open.

"Since when have you been into soccer?!"

"Like, last year?" Jongdae states nonchalantly. Then he turns back to Minseok.

Baekhyun observes the situation. Jongdae has never liked soccer. His entire life he's mocked the people who go on and on about sports, saying that it has nothing to do with art. And if it doesn't have anything to do with art, then it's irrelevant. That was until recently. Baekhyun can't ignore the way Jongdae keeps turning his whole body to Minseok's way and how nervous he seems. But he can't say anything about it. It's not that obvious Minseok would notice.

"Jongdae is right. You're just biased because you love Ronaldo more than your girlfriend."

Jongdae practically beams when Minseok says that. Baekhyun doesn't dare to look at him anymore.

He keeps his thoughts inside his mind and pulls out a few wrapped fruit candies from his pocket, proceeding to continue his daydreaming and tuning out the people he portrays as his friends.

As he's leaning on the wall, he keeps staring at the people who pass by. One of the people is his classmate that caught his eye during the lecture. He's walking alone, his backpack over his left shoulder and his eyes on the ground. He sure is tall, maybe even taller if he stood up with his back straight instead of slouching like that.

He side-eyes Baekhyun slightly, visibly getting tense under his gaze. Maybe he doesn't like to be stared at. Baekhyun wants to look away, but he can't. Only after he walks away, Baekhyun can rest his eyes.

"Baekhyun? Were you listening?"

"Huh?"

Jongdae rolls his eyes and repeats what he just said, but Baekhyun's mind is busy. He just wants to see that giant smile, he doesn't even know why.

*

Baekhyun shuts the door to his home and locks it. He parked the car nicely, just like his father always tells him to. It's already dark outside.

"How was work?" He hears his father ask from the kitchen. They have a very small house, so he hears him just fine.

"Fine. Not many customers." Baekhyun works part-time in a café. He likes working there, even if it doesn't pay that well and he mostly has to take in orders and do dishes. He can also make coffee and latte art, he's gotten pretty good at it. And he gets to eat all kinds of leftover cakes for free, and that's more than enough for him.

"You've done a great job," the father reminds Baekhyun. He's reading a newspaper and he's sitting in front of the table. The food set on their small table makes Baekhyun's stomach growl even louder. As much as he loves sweets, he also enjoys having actual nutrients in his body rather than just the sugar rush.

The boy gives a quick squeeze to his sitting father as a habit before sitting opposite him. "Dad. Can I ask you something?" He doesn't dare to take food onto his plate even though he's starving. He leans closer but his father doesn't look up from the paper.

"Technically you just did. But go on."

Baekhyun ignores the witty comeback and proceeds to ask what is on his mind. "Did mom… Umm… Is she..." He tries to look at his father's eyes, but he avoids them perfectly. This discourages him from continuing. He knows his father hates talking about the woman he at least used to love.

"I thought we talked about this, Baekhyun. I don't like you bringing it up," he says with a deep sigh, still avoiding his son's gaze.

"But we haven't said one word about her since she was transferred to the mental ward-"

"Then what do you want to know? What does it matter?" He raises his head from the paper, eyes full of sorrow and annoyance.

"Is she okay?" Baekhyun's voice gets quieter the louder his father talks.

"She…" He bites his lower lip and scratches the stubble on his chin. "I don't know."

"Can we at least go see her sometime?" Baekhyun tries to stay hopeful, but the glimmering hope in his eyes dies out as soon as it lit up. He hasn't seen her in two years. That's when she was getting worse every day.

One day Baekhyun came home from school but his mother was nowhere to be seen. He looked all around the house before he eventually found her lying on the bathroom tiles. She was unconscious but alive. That's the last time he saw her, he wasn't allowed to go see her in the hospital, he wasn't allowed to go see her after she was transferred into the private section, the mental ward.  _ She tried to do something very stupid. _ That was all his father told him, and they haven't talked about it since.

Baekhyun just wants answers. This is unfair by all means, he's been left alone to cope with all this since his father is way too stubborn to talk about it with him.

He gets awfully quiet and looks away again. "No. We can't. She's not who she used to be, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun sighs, not knowing how to answer. Yet, in fear of becoming as avoidant as his father, he clears his throat and continues. "Has she… She-"

"Enough with the questions about mom!" He stares at his son dead in the eyes as he yells, cutting him off. Baekhyun's eyebrows knit together and he stands up. Suddenly he lost all his appetite.

He stomps into his room and bangs the door shut. He just wants to know if she's okay. She always tried to teach Baekhyun to be more open and enjoy life to the fullest. He never understood her cryptic messages, the way she always told him to be bold and go after his dreams, live every day like it was his last...

He feels so stupid whenever he thinks back to his life. If he had hugged his mother more often, if he had let her be open about her problem and not be so selfish, maybe she would still be here. So he wants to believe.

He opens his computer he spent all his well-earned money on and proceeds to run a game he loves, League of Legends. Nothing calms him down like a bag of sweets and a good match of LoL. But as he sits down on his chair, he realizes that he's all out.

For a minute he contemplates whether or not he should give in and eat the dinner his father made for him.

He looks at the posters on his walls, his favorite singers and bands, his favorite game characters and he sighs deeply, as if looking for guidance.

Yes. He will be stubborn, but only because he can't look at his father right now. He will drown himself in his video games until he really needs to eat or until he passes out. That sounds like a plan which has worked before.

So he starts the match, pushing away all the sad pair of eyes he saw today at school as well as his father's sharp words.

But he can't forget the look on the guy who he smiled at today. There was something beneath the sadness in his eyes, and he just really needs to find out what that spark is.

If he can wipe off that sadness from him with warm, kind words of affection and affirmation. If he could save even one person…


	2. jellybeans

Baekhyun has been asked to sing for the spring play. Well, he and Jongdae will be the leading vocals and they have to train the whole choir. With the help of Mr. Song, of course. But the two of them will get to choose songs and how to present them since they are the stars of the school. Mr. Song has put all his effort and energy into molding Jongdae and him into future celebrities, he believes in them like no one else.

Baekhyun doesn't really think he wants to go through the emotional and physical torture that is being a trainee, but he believes Jongdae could become a great singer one day.

They're walking into the music room, where Mr. Song told them to go.

"Neither of us knows much about music, how's this gonna work out?" Baekhyun asks with furrowed brows. Jongdae rolls his eyes.

"Are you suffering from Alzheimer's disease or do you have something in your ears? Mr. Song said we'll do them with this one 11th grader."

"I… I didn't pay attention… I thought he was talking about me…" Baekhyun looks around. He often forgets to pay attention when he gets too excited about something, like right now.

"Sometimes I forget how stupid you are. He even told us his name. Chanyeol."

Baekhyun thinks to himself. That does sound like a name he should know. They enter the music room and he sees the back of someone, strumming a guitar but stops immediately as the two walk inside. He turns around to face them.

Oh, it's him. The guy in his class whose face Baekhyun has been thinking about lately. Those eyes especially.

Well, not like much, but it bothered him. His eyes were so sad… But today he looks like he's okay. Baekhyun smiles at this Chanyeol guy brightly but the latter seems shy and his lips curve just slightly back to him. He looks cute with his black hair that falls on his eyes and with his full cheeks. If only he could pinch them.

"Hi!" Baekhyun takes a seat and drags it near Chanyeol to form a circle. He doesn't drop his smile nor can he look away from this tall musician. He's not sure if that makes Chanyeol uncomfortable, because he gets a little stiff under his gaze.

"You must be Chanyeol, right? 'Cause if you're not then we're gonna be very embarrassed," Jongdae says, totally serious, then laughing at his own joke.

Chanyeol ends up nodding. "I am. And you are..?"

"Oh? I thought you already knew... I'm Jongdae."

"And I'm Baekhyun." He glares at the senior jokingly. "Jongdae, don't be so stuck up, not everyone knows who you are."

"That's not what I meant you dingus. I mean… I thought Mr. Song already told you who you'd be working with."

"No, he just told me it's two very talented singers."

Baekhyun starts getting up from his seat and makes his face go all serious. "I'm sorry, we must be in the wrong room, that doesn't sound like us."

Jongdae pulls him by his jacket to sit back down. "Shut up and take the compliment for once." Jongdae might be done with all the shit Baekhyun says, but it seemed to have worked on Chanyeol, like a knife to melted butter, since he's grinning widely. It makes Baekhyun smile as well. Finally, an audience to his stupid jokes.

"Can I ask where you two know each other? You seem so close," Chanyeol asks.

"Close? Does bullying count as being close?" Baekhyun jokes but sees how Chanyeol's face loses all color so he quickly assures him that they are friends. Gosh, Chanyeol really is so cute. Quite literal, that's nice for a change.

"Actually we've been friends since elementary school, always in the same grade," Jongdae starts and scratches his nape awkwardly.

"Then I stopped copying his homework and didn't pass 10th grade." This earns a good laugh from the two. Baekhyun isn't stupid. It's just that he had a lot going on in tenth grade. But why would he tell them about it, when this way they can all laugh and have a good time?

"Yeah... You are pretty dumb."

Chanyeol's smile drops completely. Baekhyun thinks he knows what he's thinking about.

"And don't you even think about talking to me formally." Baekhyun holds his index finger up. He doesn't care about being polite. But Chanyeol looks uncomfortable. As if he wanted to be polite, as if not being polite was against his morals.

"Yeah, let's just speak like normal friends would," Jongdae is quick to get behind Baekhyun's words and Chanyeol nods with his head down. Gosh, he is so so cute.

"Anyways, I'm guessing you play the guitar?" Baekhyun points to the guitar on Chanyeol's lap.

"Yeah, I also play the drums and the piano," he replies and maybe Baekhyun is blind, but he's sure there's a spark in Chanyeol's eyes when he says that.

"Three instruments? Why is Mr. Song boasting about us when there's a musical genius in the house?" Chanyeol's cheeks flush a tint of red. He looks even cuter that way.

"Well, Baekhyun and I can only sing well, so I think the guitar or the piano fits better." Jongdae looks at Chanyeol with that same smile.

"I figured that much."

"Oh, really? You don't think a drum solo in a ballad sounds nice?" Baekhyun asks Jongdae. He rests his palms on his knees and sounds as sarcastic as possible. This makes Chanyeol laugh, but as if he was restricting himself. He seems so timid.

Jongdae hits him playfully with a pout. "Aish, you're so annoying."

Baekhyun chuckles and tosses his jacket off. School uniforms are so official and he dislikes them a lot. He rolls up the sleeves of his white dress shirt. Chanyeol keeps staring at him, so he smiles, but then the younger one looks away again, face flushed.

"I hate these gosh darn uniforms. We should get together after school sometime. This shirt really affects negatively on my blood flow, therefore my creativity. I can't feel my brain," Baekhyun starts talking and he thrives off the reactions he gets from Chanyeol.

Jongdae turns deadly serious as he turns to him. "You have a brain?!"

It's obviously a joke since Baekhyun grins at the statement as well. He especially grins once he sees Chanyeol cracking up so badly. It wasn't even that funny. There's nothing better than seeing Chanyeol smile, seeing him so happy makes Baekhyun feel like he's succeeded.

"Not for long if I have to wear these uniforms any longer than I need to."

"You should've thought about that before not passing 10th grade." Baekhyun fakes a smile. Sure it's funny, but him not passing 10th grade is kind of worn out and it always pisses him off, but just a little bit. He won't let it show. Jongdae turns away from Baekhyun with a small shake of his head and he faces Chanyeol now, who's trying to collect himself. Every time he's almost collected himself, he ends up cracking up again.

"Anyway, should we start actually planning on what we do?"

Chanyeol wipes the tears of joy from his eyes and coughs. "Sure, do you know what the drama is about?"

"Something about a princess and a prince and their newborn love..." Baekhyun leans back on his chair and tries to explain, to which Jongdae nods along, confirming his story. But really he has no idea.

"So we have to find matching songs? That we'll be able to do acoustic," the guitarist thinks out loud. The teacher said specifically to put more emphasis on authenticity, so it has to be all acoustic and even in a capella if needed. It's an old folk-tale they're playing, maybe electronic music isn't the best choice for authenticity.

"I can play the piano if that helps somehow," Baekhyun tries to compensate for their lack of instruments. His mother taught him when he was younger, then he took classes but he had to stop once he started high school. He had to stop singing as well, but at least he gets free lessons from Mr. Song and as long as he keeps singing, it's not like he will suddenly just forget all about it.

"That might actually be helpful."

"How many songs do we have to perform?" Jongdae asks and it breaks the eye contact between the two. There's something in Chanyeol's eyes that captivates Baekhyun.

"I don't know, but we should gather as many as we can, Mr. Song's gonna turn down half of them anyway."

They decide to follow the usual story arc and focus on the first part for today. The first songs are usually innocent and sweet but also predict what is going to happen next. The middle has all sorts of emotional songs, intensive. Last song has to be tearworthy, empowering.

After a while of making more bad jokes, Chanyeol starts strumming and the two friends are trying to find a style for that song.

Baekhyun starts snapping his fingers together to the upbeat song. Then he opens his mouth and does what he does best, sings. He might be a fun-loving guy with no sense of responsibility, but whenever he sings, it’s like he changes completely. He voices out all the emotions he himself goes through, even if he can’t put them to words.

Jongdae starts singing as well, harmonizing well with the other singer.

This goes on for a good three seconds before Chanyeol stops strumming. Baekhyun barely even notices as he keeps going. His eyes are closed and he’s in his own world. But the lack of melody brings him to an abrupt end, Jongdae stopped singing a second ago.

”What’s wrong?” He asks, facing a dreamy yet puzzled Chanyeol.

"We need to do something differently."

"Which part?" Baekhyun asks with a wide grin.

"The whole thing. There's just something wrong with it," Chanyeol elaborates. He scratches his head in frustration.

"Yeah, I felt it too," Jongdae says. He furrows his brows. Baekhyun has no idea what they’re talking about. He liked it.

”Should I do trot or something?” His joke is ignored by the two and he frowns. Fine.

"It's missing something..." Chanyeol gets visibly annoyed, even though they just started.

Baekhyun notices the distress and digs something up from his pocket. Then he offers a little red plastic bag to Chanyeol. Chanyeol looks at him with judging eyes.

"Have some jellybeans. Some sugar for your brain." Chanyeol eyes the bag suspiciously, not taking the bait.

"I don't think candy is the best source of healthy sugars..." Jongdae hints but Baekhyun glares at him.

"There is nothing in this world some sweets couldn't cure," Baekhyun tries to reason. He's shaking the jellybeans right in Chanyeol's face.

"It does not cure obesity, that's for sure," Jongdae chuckles.

Chanyeol sighs in defeat. No one can resist candy. He cups his hand so Baekhyun can pour a few for him.

"You're right, Jongdae. But you know what sweets cure? Heartache, sadness, basically everything mental."

Baekhyun throws some jellybeans in his mouth like a couple of pills. He chews them and they crumble to tiny grains, the sweet taste of sugar dances on his tongue and he believes everything he just said. Sweets can cure anything. That's for a good ten seconds, then he swallows and the feeling is gone. But if he poured more on his hand, he’d feel even better. Chanyeol also eats the candy he received and he looks cheerful.

"It's good for your mind, isn’t it?" Chanyeol nods. 

Jongdae keeps shaking his head. "One day you're going to die of diabetes, Baekhyun."

"Diabetes has nothing to do with excessive sugar."

"Yeah it does."

"No, you can get type 2 diabetes only from obesity. Type 1 is inherited, and I don't have that either."

"How do you know that?" Genuinely shocked to hear Baekhyun speaking of something that is not related to video games it seems.

"I've had to convince my dad. God forbid he doesn't want to buy me any candy anymore."

"Oh... It must've been hard to convince him."

Chanyeol only stares and listens, not butting into their conversation. He’s very different from Baekhyun for that matter. It gets quiet for a couple of seconds before the youngest of them opens his mouth.

"But you can become obese from too much candy, right?" This is Chanyeol's time to involve himself in the conversation. He has Baekhyun and Jongdae's full attention on him.

"You're absolutely right, Chanyeol," Baekhyun nods along. "I just don't think it's possible for me to gain that much weight."

"Why not?"

Jongdae replies before Baekhyun can say anything. "Because he never eats real food. He only plays video games and eats candy."

Baekhyun laughs it off, like always, and they start talking about other things. Chanyeol stares at him with worry in his eyes. It’s refreshing for change, someone thinking his jokes could actually hold something to them… But him not eating is the least of his worries. Chanyeol looks like the one who needs to eat. He’s practically a walking stick figure.

"Well? Did the sugar help?" Baekhyun asks all of a sudden, not even aware of it himself.

"Oh, yeah, sort of. I was thinking more like..." Chanyeol goes on and on about his vision for the song, and after multiple times of failing, they call it quits for the day and promise to meet each other next week outside of school, because Baekhyun insisted. 

**

Baekhyun has grown to enjoy those small moments he's shared with Chanyeol even more than before. The more Chanyeol talks about music, the more he seems to get lost in his eyes.

Their practice time has become his favorite time of the week and his favorite part of the day, even if Jongdae is also there.

Chanyeol is in the same class as he is, but he never sees him anywhere. Maybe he's just always invisible, and let's face it, people are constantly buzzing around Baekhyun, stealing his attention, since he's kind and he knows all the seniors.

But Baekhyun isn't interested in these people right now. He's looking over someone to see if Chanyeol is there. And he is. In the corner of the classroom. No one is sitting next to him and he's staring at the desk. Baekhyun is not sure if it's because he's so deep in thought or not thinking at all.

He gathers all his stuff and he leaves the people behind to sit next to the giant. Chanyeol doesn't even look up.

For a while he doesn't say anything as his eyes land on the thing Chanyeol is staring at. It's… a carved out dick on the table.

"Nice. Who do you think carved it there?"

Chanyeol gets visibly startled by him speaking. He straightens his posture immediately. Baekhyun can't stop staring at him and smiling.

Chanyeol's cheeks flush deep shade of red. "C-carved what?"

The older one raises an eyebrow. "The dick you've been staring at for the past, I dunno, five minutes?" Chanyeol looks down on the table and laughs nervously.

"Oh… I don't know."

Baekhyun grins and looks at it again. It was totally not him two years ago. Totally not. Maybe that's one of the reasons he didn't pass.

Their math class is about to start, but Baekhyun has never been a big fan of maths. Instead, he keeps slipping notes to his seatmate, staring at his focused face and getting yelled at by the teacher for not paying attention. 

But Chanyeol giggles at his stupid jokes on the notes. And eventually they stop writing it on papers and start actually talking. Chanyeol's eyes are glimmering and his smile shows his perfect straight teeth.

Before the teacher slams his palm on the table and tells both of them to leave the classroom, make noise all they want where no one else is bothered by it.

They leave, dealing with all the stares people are giving them. Their teacher is very serious about a peaceful, motivating environment. That's why he hates Baekhyun.

But at least his partner in crime seems to enjoy his company. He's been all smiles whenever they walk past each other, and even though he's occasionally deep in thought, it's rather easy to bring him back.

"Awesome," Baekhyun exclaims as soon as they're outside. They lean against the walls just near the class. Chanyeol seems to get all shy when it's just the two of them. Oh, how easily he is flustered. Right now he's looking down at his feet when Baekhyun is already crouching on the ground.

"You really hate math, huh?"

"Math is a religion, someone just convinced us that one plus one equals two. How are you going to prove that, huh?"

Chanyeol crouches down and he looks puzzled. He takes out his hand and points his index finger, one, and raises his middle finger to accompany it, two. "One… Two… I don't know what more you need for proof."

Baekhyun shakes his head. "Okay, fine, but what about some formulas? Like the formula to quadratic equations… Who the fuck invented that and what were they on?"

Chanyeol chuckles and keeps his eyes on Baekhyun. "I really don't know if you're serious or not. I don't know, someone has really thought about this a lot, I guess?"

"And we just take it at face-value! So, it's a religion." Baekhyun grins as he sees the genuine happiness and excitement on Chanyeol's face.

"I dunno, Baekhyun, math is kinda like the only subject I'm good at. Everything about it just makes sense. If you pay attention in class… Which we are not doing right now, obviously."

Baekhyun curves his lips down and shakes his head. Nope. He was always a bit slow, and being constantly called stupid or dumb by the teachers eventually made it a reality. If he was only given a bit more time to comprehend the abstractness of math, maybe he wouldn't be so bad at it. No matter how much his mother tried helping him with it when he was a child. It was too much for his poor attention span.

"Sorry, you're talking to a nerd here," Chanyeol says and shrugs. "Although, I probably don't qualify as one, since math and Korean are the only subjects I'm actually good at…"

"Wanna trade? I don't know what I'd give you in exchange, though, other than my bad grammar and poor math skills..."

"Are you kidding me? I'd give you all my math knowledge to get even the slightest bit of social intelligence and energy you have! So what if you're not book smart," Chanyeol says the word smart with quotation marks, "you're way cooler than anyone in this school and everyone loves to be around you."

Baekhyun chuckles. No, they don't. "They just like to be around me because they like ridiculing me…" Chanyeol seems to get tense all of a sudden. He purses his lips together, so Baekhyun quickly throws in a funny joke. Why did he even say that? What makes Chanyeol so different from all of his 'friends' who he's never talked to about feelings?

What a scary feeling. But Chanyeol is a great person. So intriguing. Like he wanted to know everything about him. He holds eye contact with Chanyeol for a few seconds, in complete silence. They say that looking into someone's soul is possible through their eyes. Chanyeol's eyes are shining brightly, and he's not so sure about that soul-thing, but those are some beautiful eyes. It's like he held such admiration for him. It's nice. Even though a lot of younger girls especially fall for him, it's not the same. This isn't like everything else. This time, he might want to actually make a new friend.

Chanyeol sees more in him than just a class clown… Right?

"Should we get back to class? I mean… I don't want to be the cause of your failures too."

Chanyeol nods with a wide smile. Surely the teacher will take them back inside by now. They just have to deal with the stares and the bickers, but that's nothing new to Baekhyun. He just has to laugh with them, and it’ll be alright.

Chanyeol turns around before they enter the classroom again, making Baekhyun bump into his chest. Well damn, is he tall. He's only half a head taller than him, so it's not that much. He blinks a few times at the younger one in confusion.

"Wait. There's something I wanna ask you first," he starts playing with his nails and he avoids his gaze all of a sudden. "My birthday is in… three weeks and… I'm holding a birthday party, well, it's not much of a party, but, just me and three of my friends going out for pizza, and… Would you like to be there as well?" He bites his lower lip as he anticipates Baekhyun's answer.

He starts smiling and he nods. "Sure! Of course, I'd love to. Just give me the details later."

He can't stop grinning. Chanyeol is so pure, who throws birthday parties when they turn 17? But that's really too wholesome. People should throw birthday parties always, until the day they die. Why not celebrate another year you've been alive? That is quite an accomplishment, after all.

They enter the class again and deal with the lousy teacher and annoying students. But Baekhyun can't stop smiling, his insides feel warm. Maybe he's finally getting an actual friend. Someone who won't just use him for his popularity.

Chanyeol is just… great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this chapter uwu tell me what you think!


	3. taffies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to update last week I'm so sorry!! But happy Halloween!! <33

Well, it wasn't much of a party, they went to an Italian restaurant with him and some of his friends and ate pizza. Baekhyun thought it was sweet that he invited him too, despite them not knowing each other for that long. But he has to admit, it was a bit weird being around his friends he doesn't know that well. He knows they're all in the same grade but he's never engaged in conversations with them. But they seemed like good people. He also got invited to another party happening tonight. By Jihoon and his friends. But he's not really a party person, even if Minseok, Jongdae, and Luhan were all going. He probably would have gone if Chanyeol hadn't made a much better offer.

Chanyeol's friends seemed like fun. So pure, just like Chanyeol. Chanyeol is super cute, and the best part so far was definitely the hug he gave him at the door. Who knew the taller one was the perfect size to hug, just tall enough to squeeze in his arms. But he's pretty sure he was nothing but skin and bones.

He drove Chanyeol's friends to their homes, dropping off each and all of them. Kyungsoo and Jongin were the first ones to leave, they went the same way and Baekhyun shouldn't assume anything, but he's pretty sure they are a couple. They were adorable together. Not that it's any of his business.

Then he dropped off Sehun at his place… Baekhyun realized that's the address for the party. He's pretty sure he's even been in that house before. Jihoon and Sehun look kind of similar, so he dared to make the assumption they're brothers. He told Sehun to say hi to his brother for him, but Sehun just kinda laughed and shook his head. Well, Jihoon's a lost cause anyway, maybe Baekhyun should stop giving a crap about people who only keep him around for the laughs.

Now he's taking the birthday boy home. They don't spend enough time together, just the two of them. The silence that follows is not at all burdening, Baekhyun finds moments like these the purest of them all, it's the silence that says all the necessary things. He glances over at Chanyeol and he has a smile on his face as he looks out the window.

Super cute.

"Hey, Baek… I…" Chanyeol breaks the silence and glances at the one driving. "Thanks for showing up. I'm sure you would've had better things to do on a Saturday evening than spend it with people you barely know."

"I mean, my computer probably misses me already." Well there was the party, but let's be real, nobody missed him there. "But I had fun, don't thank me. Thank yourself for being born."

Chanyeol gets quiet so he glances at the boy to see him obviously holding back tears. That's the second time today. He got pretty emotional earlier as they were handing out their gifts. Everyone except Baekhyun, he didn't have a gift. "Are you… Are you alright, Channie?" He manages to ask as they get to Chanyeol's driveway. He parks the car and turns fully to the younger one.

"No one's ever thanked me for being born…" He sniffles and wipes his tears away, looking away as if crying was a bad thing.

"Not even your parents?"

A bitter chuckle escapes Chanyeol's lips. "They didn't even remember it's my birthday."

Baekhyun's eyebrows knit together. What kind of parents don't remember their kid's birthday? As much as the topic makes Baekhyun sad, he can't but feel happy that Chanyeol opened up about this so easily. He's tired of the endless joking and small talk he has with other people. These are the kinds of conversations he likes to have. He's just not sure how to respond...

"I'm sorry…"

"Ah, I shouldn't be bothering you with my problems…"

"No! I mean yes. I mean…" Baekhyun hits himself lightly. "If it makes you feel better to let it out, do so. I'm tired of people just… Not being honest."

Chanyeol turns to him and smiles sweetly. He's an emotional rollercoaster. Baekhyun is pretty sure he's not had anyone truly ask him if he's okay in a while. Surely he will calm down once Baekhyun convinces him that it's alright.

They exit the car silently and for some reason, Baekhyun follows Chanyeol to the doorsteps. It's like he didn't know any other way. He doesn't know Chanyeol that well, but he does know that he's a sweetheart who's just been through some shit. And he's dying to hear all about it. Chanyeol turns to him before opening the door to his home, his really big mansion. Money does not seem to be a problem for their family. Chanyeol doesn't look rich, though. Rich people are always arrogant. Well, not always, Junmyeon is the richest man he knows but also one of the kindest. It's sad people don't see beyond his money.

"Well, I had fun today. Thanks for putting up with me and my weird friends."

Baekhyun nods and finally looks away. "They seem cool." He wonders what to do before Chanyeol will disappear for the weekend. They just stand there for a while awkwardly. Baekhyun is never awkward with anyone. What's so different about this Chanyeol guy? Why does he feel so weird around him? "Well, good night and happy birthday again, I'm going to hug you before I leave." And he reaches for a hug, squeezing the taller one tightly. He tries not to suffocate him, he was too shocked to react at first, but the hug is very much welcome.

They let go of each other before it gets too weird. Although everything already feels weird. But… A good kind of weird. Just like how everyone describes Baekhyun.

"…Good night." Baekhyun smiles at the cute expression on Chanyeol's face before walking away to his car. His heart is racing for some reason like he had run a marathon. He quickly drives away but he can't stop checking if Chanyeol already went inside. He hasn't. He keeps looking at Baekhyun at the door. 

That brings a smile to his face.

*

Baekhyun is walking through the school hallways with a wide smile on his face, even though it's Monday afternoon. School just ended for him, he's walking to his car and he greets practically everyone with a wide smile and eye contact. Some people return his smile, some people look away shyly and some just ignore him. He knows not everyone shares the same reaction on the outside, and the ones that don't, they interest him the most.

He notices Chanyeol walking a few steps away from him with his backpack hanging on his left shoulder and his head down. Baekhyun runs up to him and taps him on his shoulder, resulting in a startled giant jumping from his skin. "Hey, I hoped I'd run into you!" Chanyeol blushes a little and a small smile rises on his lips. The way he stares at Baekhyun makes the latter feel so weird inside, like someone was microwaving his heart.

"Why?"

"I was wondering if we should meet somewhere tonight. Like, with Jongdae. To continue our project." The project, oh how he loves the project. Styling songs with Chanyeol is always a blast. And… Of course Jongdae, too… Not like he forgot about him...

"Sure. Where?"

"I'll be working tonight, so what if you come to Ai Cafe at six? That's where I work. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"Great, it's a date. I'll tell Jongdae."

Baekhyun practically runs to his car, he's cool, chill, calm, collected. But he's also too thrilled. He hits the steering wheel lightly in excitement and he can't stop smiling. Really, what the fuck is wrong with him? He needs to get a grip.

**

Baekhyun is whipping up some coffee on an exceptionally quiet evening. But he can't stay put. He keeps looking at the clock and the seconds seem to be passing so slowly. As if the time just decided to be a bitch today. Every time he wants time to go faster, it does the complete opposite. The universe must be conspiring against him. He's even more nervous, since Jongdae couldn't come. So it's gonna be just the two of them again.

Baekhyun sees Chanyeol entering the small shop in no time, exiting the car and waving bye to the driver. He wonders who that is, it can't be his parents for sure. He got the impression that his parents don't have much time for him.

Baekhyun calms himself down and rolls up his hoodie sleeves and continues creaming the latte, he makes a clef on top of it. Now he doesn't know if Chanyeol even likes coffee, but he's gonna give it to him anyway.

Baekhyun looks up to the door to see Chanyeol, and as soon as their eyes meet, Baekhyun's lips curve into that same old smile reserved for Chanyeol. Unintentionally, of course.

"Hi, Channie! Who drove you here?" He immediately asks the question that's on the tip of his tongue. Chanyeol doesn't seem much taken aback as he walks to the counter. He's wearing a pastel blue hoodie with tight jeans. His legs are so tiny but also so long. He can't but wonder if Chanyeol eats anything. Other than freakishly skinny, he does look good. His dark hair is exceptionally stylish today. It's as if he put more effort into his looks. For him, maybe?

"My butler," Chanyeol says with a shrug after he smiled and waved at him as a hello. Baekhyun stops everything he's doing and his chin drops.

"Y-your... Butler? You have a butler?" He starts stuttering. Chanyeol chuckles and leans on the counter, watching as Baekhyun is working. There are no customers around.

"Yeah. For my whole life I've had one."

Baekhyun eyes Chanyeol from head to toes. "I guess some of us were just born with golden spoons up our asses."

Chanyeol laughs and starts looking to his left to see the rest of the café. The interiors are colored like Valentine, pink and red and all the basic colors of love. "What a cute concept. Love your apron, by the way." He points to Baekhyun's pink apron with a big white heart on his stomach.

"It's cute, isn't it? I mean this whole place is just… Cute." He genuinely thinks it's adorable, and judging by Chanyeol's smile, he figures he likes it too. "By the way, Jongdae can't make it, I should've told you and canceled but I kinda wanted you to come and hang out anyway," Baekhyun says and puts the coffees on the tray. He's going to sit in one of the booths with Chanyeol, the taller one following him around like a lost puppy. This place fits Chanyeol.

"Oh." He coughs one time. "You just wanted me here to... Hang out?" They can't do the project without Jongdae, everything would just be too difficult. Besides, Baekhyun isn't in the mood anyway.

"Yeah! Do you know how boring it is here all by myself? I work during the hours when this place is mostly deserted. I'm fine with that, I get the same amount of money no matter how many people walk through that door," Baekhyun sighs. He takes a seat in the closest booth as Chanyeol sits opposite him.

"Oh," Chanyeol nods and looks at the table. He keeps fiddling with his sleeves and shaking his legs up and down so the table shakes just a tiny bit. "How long have you worked here?"

"Three years? Ever since 10th grade."

"Why? Most seniors and 11th graders focus on studying rather than work."

Baekhyun shrugs. Then he starts arranging the flowers on the vase next to the window. "Most students aren't struggling with their money. Besides, it's not that I take too much stress out of this or school, so it's okay."

Chanyeol stares at him intently, enough for Baekhyun to notice the distress on his face. "I've never had to lift a finger for money. But you... Seem so... Energetic and motivated..."

Baekhyun shrugs. "I don't think much about the future. Or the past. Or pretty much anything at all."

Chanyeol leans on his arm and looks at him with a small smile on his face. They look at each other in the eyes for a good ten seconds without saying a word, but it's not awkward at all. Chanyeol has beautiful almond-shaped eyes that hold a certain spark in them that Baekhyun has never seen before.

"I didn't know you had glasses," Chanyeol points out to the round frames on Baekhyun's nose. Baekhyun had forgotten about them.

"I rarely use them."

"Why? Are you scared that you look stupid or something?"

"Not really. I don't care about my looks. I just forget them at home almost every day…" He can see without his glasses almost perfectly but wearing them always shocks him, how clear the world actually is with them on his head.

Chanyeol lets out an almost laugh. He shakes his head. "You should remember to wear them."

"Why? Because I need to see?"

"That, too, but I was thinking more… Because they look so good on you…" Chanyeol looks away and his whole demeanor flushes a bright pink color. Baekhyun starts grinning.

”Maybe I will." He looks down at the table to see the two lattes he made but didn't offer Chanyeol his one yet. He pushes the cup to Chanyeol's side. "I don't know if you like coffee but I made this for you. I don't know if you can tell, but it's a clef. Since you like music and I didn't know what else you like…"

Chanyeol looks at the cup with his mouth hung open. "It… It's really pretty. I can see you've whipped up a few of these."

Baekhyun looks at the taller one expectantly. "Tell me. What do you like, what’s your life like?"

Chanyeol looks taken aback by the question so he sips the coffee. He scrunches up his nose a little. He notices that Baekhyun is looking at him under his brows, so he has to clarify. "Sorry. I don't usually drink coffee. It's not bad, I'm just not used to the taste." Baekhyun nods but doesn't say anything else, as he waits for answers. "I uh… I don't know what I should tell you."

"Anything." He wants to know everything. Chanyeol looks away, puzzled, so Baekhyun continues, "like, what’s your family like? Why are you friends with those three? Do you have other hobbies? What’s it like being insanely rich?" Baekhyun thinks of all the video games and candy for years he could buy with that kind of a sum.

"I'm not very interesting, neither is my life." Chanyeol is so talkative with his friends. Why can't he be like that with Baekhyun? He sees Chanyeol constantly talk about something when he's in a good mood. What's so different about this?

"Sure you are. I know everyone in school, but you're the only one I wanna hang out with."

"Do you ever invite Jongdae to hang out with you here? Since… You're so bored most of the time here."

"Not really. We're friends but we rarely talk about anything actually meaningful. Our conversations usually go 'oh, sup loser', 'suck my dick, fag,'."

"I… I thought you two were good friends."

"I'm just fed up with him nowadays. He’s a fun guy but I don’t feel good around him." He shrugs it off. "Also Minseok and Luhan are brain dead soccer fanatics who literally never talk about anything other than men chasing a ball on a field. I'm only friends with them because they're friends with Jongdae. What about your friends? Do they ever piss you off?"

"I feel like I'm the one pissing them off most of the time. Because I'm boring and I keep talking about my boring life to them as if it should interest them in any way."

"I mean… You are their friend. Why should it not interest them?"

"The same way you don't care about soccer?"

Baekhyun raises his eyebrows. That is a good point. Is he a bad friend? "Okay. Then tell me about your boring life, I'll listen."

”I don’t wanna burden you.”

”Fine,” Baekhyun grunts playfully. ”Who’s the one fed up with you the most?”

”Sehun. Definitely Sehun.”

”Why?”

Chanyeol tenses up. ”He has his issues and I have mine. I guess we don’t have time for each other anymore. We’ve been friends for over 10 years now and… I don’t know. It’s like he wants to detach himself from me.”

”Are you sure it’s not just because he’s so in love with Luhan?”

”What?” Chanyeol’s eyes widen. ”Luhan? How do you know?”

”How did you  _ not _ know? I see him staring at Luhan all the time. Like. All the time.”

”Does Luhan know?”

”He’s an oblivious idiot, plus he has a girlfriend… So you better prepare yourself for a very heartbroken friend.”

”I guess Sehun and I are not as good friends as we used to be… I should talk to him.” Chanyeol nods, as if putting it on his to-do list.

”Yeah. But if he doesn’t wanna listen to you talk, know that I do.”

Chanyeol blushes again and smiles shyly, and it makes Baekhyun smile. He’s so adorable. ”Thanks.”

Again they just stare at each other for a while. Chanyeol’s lips are so plump. Baekhyun tries to leave that thought there. He looks away and takes a deep breath. ”By the way, I never gave you your present. But I can only offer you my company and… this,” he says as he fishes out a bag of taffy from his pocket. He hands him the whole bag.

”Thank you… It’s the best gift I’ve ever received.” His eyes practically glisten as he looks at the bag of candy.

”Really? That plektra was kinda cool in my opinion.” He’s referring to the one Kyungsoo gave him, there was a picture of Kyungsoo and Sehun on each side. That was thoughtful.

Chanyeol laughs again. He has a breathy laugh. ”That was cool. But I don’t need stuff. Offering your company is the best present I’ve ever gotten. Plus, I love taffy.”

”It’s soft, just like you. I’m glad you accepted my gift.”

Chanyeol rests his hand on the table and Baekhyun reaches for it and smiles. His heart is doing that weird thing again. Thumping in his chest and making blood rush in his head. Is he… Blushing?


	4. licorice

Baekhyun glances at his father. His dad has a grumpy look on his face and he seems unbothered by the massive piles of snow falling from the sky. Sometimes Baekhyun wonders if someone up in the clouds just pours a bucket of water on them and it freezes on its way down… Just to make their days worse.

He's driving them to the arcade, since it's his father's birthday and he thought that that place would cheer him up, he's been so down lately.

Driving in the car together brings back memories from when they were a happy little family. He was sitting in the backseat and his parents on the front seats… Even Baekbeom was sitting next to him, but he had already hit puberty and he spent more and more time in his head instead of with them. Baekhyun still reminisces those days with warmth.

Even if things have changed drastically, and he hasn't seen Baekbeom or his mother in years.

They didn't even celebrate Christmas this year. Baekhyun spent his vacation days mostly on his computer. No Christmas tree, no decorations… Those things remind his father too much of Baekhyun's mother… No presents either since they remind him too much of Baekbeom.

Baekbeom just left after high school, which was about 4 years ago. He's not studying anywhere, not that Baekhyun knew of, he just couldn't stand being home anymore. They never talk about him, it's like he doesn't even exist anymore. Baekhyun can only hope that he's alright.

Baekhyun parks the car and they walk into the arcade. It's a chill arcade, a place with retro games from when his father was younger, but also a few newer games. The other end of the arcade is left open yet comfortable and calm for people to play board games together.

The father sighs deeply. "I appreciate your offer, Baekhyun, but… I don't like games as much as you do." Why is he so down? Baekhyun feels too awkward to ask.

"You can't resist the classics!" He grabs his father's hand and leads him to a Pacman game. That sparks up joy in him as soon as he sees the familiar game he used to play a lot. People who say they don't really enjoy games cannot resist Pacman and Tetris. Impossible.

Seeing the smile on his father's face makes Baekhyun content. Mission accomplished. That wasn't very hard to do.

He laughs with his father and so he's cured another broken mind.

Speaking of broken minds. Chanyeol hasn't seemed so sad lately and Baekhyun likes to think it's thanks to him. They've been texting each other a lot. About the project but mostly about other things. Chanyeol finally complains about things. Finally. He talks about everything he does in a day, which isn't a lot, but it's not like Baekhyun does much either. He rants to him when he's angry and rambles to him when he's happy. They've even talked on the phone a few times because Chanyeol has had a lot to say and he's too tired to type it on his phone. Baekhyun talks to him a lot too, but sometimes the younger one disappears for a few hours or even days, not saying a word. Those days are the worst for Baekhyun. 

He misses the way Chanyeol sends a million emojis, the way he tries to bring the positives to the negative. The way he giggles on the phone when Baekhyun says something stupid. Which is quite often. The way he plays the guitar, the piano, the way he sings clumsily with his deep voice, the way he adores Baekhyun's singing voice.

The way he just is. He misses that. He misses him.

His father doesn't notice him falling into his own thoughts, even if he did he'd probably not say anything. He never does. They haven't had any real conversations lately.

Just as he's thinking about Chanyeol's plump lips and cute laugh, the said boy enters the arcade. Fate is on his side today. He stares at the tall raven-haired boy who enters with Sehun. They don't catch him staring at the other end of the place.

Sweet Chanyeol who's been missing in action for a couple of days. He looks happy but the smile he's wearing doesn't look so genuine. Baekhyun can tell he's putting all his effort into this. Sehun doesn't look all that happy either.

He walks towards them, they're talking about something in front of the new game that arrived. Chanyeol is whining to Sehun and clinging onto his arm. How adorable. Baekhyun wants to try that game too, it's just the genre he loves, first-person shooter strategy game.

"Oh, hi Chanyeol, hi Sehun," he starts and sees how Chanyeol jumps up from his skin and turns around. He can't stop pointing it out - he's cute.

"Hi, Baekhyun!" Now that's more like it, that's the smile he's been missing. He smiles back at him. Oh God, he's missed Chanyeol so much.

"Were you gonna play that?" Baekhyun asks as he looks at Sehun now, who's sitting in front of the game.

"Well, yeah..."

"No, we're too scared," Sehun blurts out, making Chanyeol hit him on the shoulder and grit silently through his teeth.

Baekhyun chuckles and looks behind himself to see if his dad is still playing Pacman. He is, good, he might as well spend some time with these two. "It's not that scary."

"To you. Have you seen Chanyeol with anything remotely related to horror? He'll piss himself if you just say 'boo!' to him."

"Will not!" Chanyeol pouts to Sehun. Baekhyun can't stop smiling. He knows Sehun is right. Chanyeol is one of the easiest people to scare.

When he's looking at Sehun, Baekhyun decides to put it to the test. So he comes close and whispers, "boo," right into the scaredy cat's ear. Chanyeol jumps up immediately, but maybe not because he's scared but because he's nervous.

"Stop!"

"You're adorable."

Chanyeol blushes and looks down. He does that a lot. They see Sehun walk somewhere, away from them, but they don't take it into account. Maybe he got sick of these two being so cheesy.

"If you want, I can play that game. But I gotta tell my dad, he's over there," he says and points out his dad whose nose is practically touching the screen in front of him. "He's not a gamer like I am, he'll soon notice I'm gone and I don't want him to panic or anything."

Chanyeol looks over his shoulder to see the man. This isn't exactly the way he thought Chanyeol would meet his father, but it could be worse. "Are you sure? He does look like a gamer to me…"

Baekhyun waves his hand. "He just loves Pacman."

He walks over to his dad and Chanyeol just follows him awkwardly. "Dad, I'll be over there if you need me." The father does not look up from the screen. He just hums as a reply. This won't be the time to introduce Chanyeol to him, it seems. So they just walk back to the game they were at.

"He's way more into it than I thought."

"He's not always like that?"

"Oh, he is. Just not when playing games." Chanyeol gives him a look. The look that kind of pities him but then he starts smiling soon. "Don't worry, he will learn your name, but not when he's busy doing something else."

The younger one just nods. "You look alike."

Baekhyun turns to him and blinks slowly. Not sure if that's a drag or just a notice. Or even a compliment. "Yeah, I get that a lot. But that's just because no one has seen my mom." He realizes that he might have revealed too much. Chanyeol's eyebrows knit together.

"Is… Is she not in the picture?"

Baekhyun sits down in front of the game and sighs. He didn't think he would reveal his family situation to Chanyeol this soon. He doesn't even dare to look at him right now. "She's… Well, last I heard she was in the mental wards."

Chanyeol stands next to him with his hands in his pockets. He starts stuttering and his eyes are full of sorry. Why is Chanyeol always so empathic? Now he feels terrible for telling that to him. He won't sleep for days because of this information. "Wh-why?" Oh, there's the dreaded question.

"Because she's sad." Chanyeol is about to say something but Baekhyun puts the bill into the game to signal that they are moving forward from this subject. Maybe he is just like his father, but he doesn't want Chanyeol to worry about him. He already worries too much.

He fiddles with his sleeves and comes closer to Baekhyun, the latter's heart starts beating faster again. How and why it does that, Baekhyun still hasn't figured out.

And so the shooting begins. Aliens, Baekhyun has to think fast. He hears and feels Chanyeol jumping every time another alien tries to eat his guts. But Baekhyun is experienced. These games tend to be quite predictable to him. It's always the same jumpscares. Chanyeol, on the other hand, is scared shitless whenever there's something moving on the screen. Baekhyun just keeps killing them like it was nothing.

There's only ten more seconds left to play. He's almost made it, another success in his book…

The aliens keep on coming. They keep on trying to eat him. To kill him. But he's almost made it…

He feels a hand clutch onto his shoulder and his head goes empty. The way he grasps onto his hoodie… He's suddenly very aware of how Chanyeol must be so scared. He misses one alien and he loses the round, in the last three seconds of it. How annoying.

He quickly turns around in his seat to see Chanyeol with his eyes shut tightly together. His whole face is practically shut down. Baekhyun gets up and cups his face with his palms, he can't resist it anymore.

Slowly Chanyeol opens his eyes when Baekhyun is practically squishing his face and making it hard for him to breathe. Baekhyun has a wide grin on his face.

"You're such a baby! If you can't handle it then why did you want to see someone play it in the first place?"

"I'm not a baby!" Chanyeol's voice is barely coherent since his face is squished, so Baekhyun lets go. "I just… It just looked good." He sighs and looks away. He seems frustrated. Baekhyun doesn't ask, just pats him on his shoulder and waits for him to speak. "I'm so annoyed. All of these games look so good and all but I'm too big of a wuss to even watch someone play!"

"It wasn't that good. Trust me. I know many less gruesome games that are so much better." Chanyeol is sulking. He crosses his arms and pouts. He's adorable. Baekhyun has to restrain himself. Is there something wrong with the air around here or are his lenses turning pink? "I can recommend you some if you want."

Chanyeol turns back to him to hold eye contact. "You sure do play a lot of video games. You didn't even flinch! You're not even a bit shaken up!"

He shrugs. "Most of these games seem to follow a certain pattern. It's not a big deal." Good games are the ones that make him actually surprised and catch him off-guard. This one? Definitely not. He glances over his shoulder to see that his father has left. He's not playing Pacman anymore. Maybe he's taking a break. He just hopes that he won't-

"Hello. Are you a friend of Baekhyun's?"

Of course. He just had to be right there right then. It's not like he's ashamed of his father, it's just that… It tends to be awkward. And his father getting along with Chanyeol is super important to him for some reason.

Chanyeol bows deep and says his hellos. Who knew he'd be so good with parents. Chanyeol hasn't shared much of his family, other than that his parents don't even remember his birthday. Thinking about that makes his blood boil again.

"Yeah, dad, he's my friend, Chanyeol. Chanyeol, this is my dad." He points to him again.

"Yeah, you two do look alike," Chanyeol repeats.

"Always a pleasure to hear I'm just as handsome as my son." Baekhyun looks away. Oh no. That's a compliment he doesn't want to take. Chanyeol just smiles and nods. Oh, that's the most pretentious smile Baekhyun has ever seen. But it works on his father.

"Anyways, Baekhyun, I got a call from work. They need me right about now. Can I take the car or will you drop me off?"

Baekhyun waves his hands and gives him the keys. He doesn't know how he will get home but somehow he's not ready to leave Chanyeol. Even if it was just for half an hour. So he leaves after saying bye to them.

"What does he do for a living if he just got called for work?"

"He's… A plumber…" Baekhyun is just as surprised by the sudden call. "And on his birthday? Maybe they're just having a surprise party for him."

"Wow. I hope so."

Baekhyun bites his lips and turns to Chanyeol again. "Wanna play something?"

"Sure. What?"

Baekhyun hums in thought. "How about air-hockey? You'd at least stand a chance to me in that since I'm the king of all video games."

Chanyeol rolls his eyes and chuckles. "Out of pity? You should know, I rule all games that involve my body." Baekhyun looks at him from head to toes. That's something he can believe. "But there's a game here that I think would suit us both." He grabs Baekhyun's hand effortlessly and leads him to the other side of the arcade. Baekhyun is trying to process this hand-holding, his heart is being even louder in his chest. Because of holding hands? He's held hands with people before. But why does this make him feel some type of way?

Could it be because it's… Chanyeol's hand he's holding?

"Guitar Freaks!" Chanyeol says before a game stand with two plastic guitars. The way Chanyeol lights up when eyeing the game is just too pure for Baekhyun to handle. His eyes light up in a way he hasn't seen before. He tosses Baekhyun the other guitar. "Unless you're too scared." There's not a single bit of hesitation in Chanyeol anymore, it's like he could be at ease with Baekhyun.

Baekhyun holds onto the guitar and takes his stance. "What do I get if I win?"

"Anything you want."

"I'll give you anything you want if you win?"

"That's the rule."

Baekhyun literally cannot afford to lose. But he's confident in him winning. After all, it's just a video game. Where you play the guitar. And he's competing against someone who's played the guitar for years now. Great. He's not so confident in himself anymore.

The game starts and they start hitting the keys on the guitar. But Baekhyun can't focus. Chanyeol is so deep into this. He always looks the most peaceful when he's playing. Baekhyun misses a whole bunch of the notes as he struggles to take his eyes off Chanyeol. When he looks back at the screen it's already too late. He's fallen too far back, he won't reach Chanyeol's score since he hasn't missed a single beat. So he carries out the rest of the game even though he will fail.

Yep, he failed.

But somehow seeing the happy look on Chanyeol's face just makes him smile as well. He doesn't mind. At all.

"In your face!"

Baekhyun is so happy, he doesn't even try to hide it. "Oh, darn."

"Did you lose on purpose?"

"Me? Lose on purpose? You do realize that I never lose intentionally."

That makes Chanyeol smile even wider. "Now you will get me anything I want!"

"And what would that be?" Thank goodness Chanyeol isn't materialistic. He taps his chin and thinks for a while.

"I want you to buy me flowers."

Baekhyun blinks to make the words make more sense to him. "Flowers? Why do you want flowers?" Of all the things he could give him. He wants flowers.

"Because they're pretty? And no one's ever given me any."

"Okay, let's go then." Now he takes Chanyeol's hand in his and even crosses their fingers together. He doesn't want to let go. He's leading them outside but Chanyeol stops him.

"Wait! I came here to cheer up Sehun. And I have no idea where he is. I'm a terrible friend," Chanyeol mourns. He sighs and looks around. Sehun is sitting there, a few meters away from them in one of the booths for board games. Well, he's not alone. Baekhyun walks there, still holding hands with Chanyeol.

"Hi, Sehun, Junmyeon, and Yixing." He always makes sure to greet everyone with their own names. "I'm going to buy Chanyeol flowers. Don't look for him."

Sehun raises his eyebrows and looks at their linked hands, then he looks at Chanyeol and then Baekhyun. "Okay, I won't ask," Sehun says but after he makes eye contact with Junmyeon, he opens his mouth again, "Okay, I will ask. Flowers? At least buy his favorite kinds," he comments. Junmyeon and Yixing just stare at them all puzzled. Baekhyun has a feeling they don't like him that much. He has no idea why, but they never open their mouths when he's around.

"Of course." He turns to Chanyeol. "What are your favorites?"

Chanyeol turns to Sehun with a helpless look. "What are my faves?"

Sehun thinks for a while. "White Camellias." Then he proceeds to wink aggressively to Chanyeol whose face flushes a deep shade of red as he kicks Sehun's shin. There's definitely something going on here that he doesn't understand.

"Thanks, bye!" He starts leading them outside again. Maybe telling them that he's buying flowers to Chanyeol wasn't the best way to phrase it. But who cares? He's still holding hands with him, Chanyeol's hand feels clammy in his, but he also doesn't want to let go. Never.

It's still snowing outside, so he holds on tighter to his jacket.

"At least Sehun seemed to be in good hands…"

"Be honest, you're a little bit jealous," Baekhyun points out as they leave footprints on the freshly fallen snow.

"Pfft, of what?"

"That he has other friends than you."

Chanyeol tries to say something but he shuts himself up. "Okay. A little. But I have no right to feel this way. I mean… I have other friends than him, and he's not jealous."

"Maybe, but what can you do about feelings?"

What can you do about them? Baekhyun does not know. He looks down at the hand he's holding, then up to meet Chanyeol's eyes. He looks sad again. Seeing Chanyeol down must be the worst kind of curse there is.

"He's allowed to have other friends. So are you. But I understand why you feel jealous, and you shouldn't feel bad about having feelings." He squeezes his hand. He's not a big sweet talker, but heck, he'd do and say anything just to make Chanyeol feel better again.

"You're actually pretty smart, you know?" Chanyeol says as he looks at him again. Baekhyun has to look away. Blood rushes in his head again.

"Me? You do realize you're talking to someone who's gone through 10th grade twice, you know?"

"Twice the knowledge we have," Chanyeol says with a chuckle. "But in all seriousness, you understand people better than anyone I know. Maybe wise is the correct term."

Baekhyun doesn't say anything as he just smiles back to Chanyeol. Smiles so wide his cheeks hurt. He hasn't had a friend who would actually compliment him. Jongdae only ever calls him stupid and all kinds of things. But smart? No one has ever called him that.

They enter a small flower shop nearby and shake off all the snow from their jackets. He's never been here before. Not like he had the money for such useless things as flowers. But for Chanyeol, he's ready to be extra, even if that meant not buying any candy for a week.

They look around each other. The walls are covered in flowers and flower prints, the counters are dark wood, everything here looks so natural.

"This is Sehun's mother's shop." Baekhyun raises his eyebrows. That's why he asked Sehun.

A nice lady comes to greet them. She has big black curls and glasses way bigger than Baekhyun's. Her aesthetic goes well with the flowers in this place.

"Oh, hi, Chanyeol. And…"

"Hi, Mrs. Oh. He's Baekhyun."

She smiles sweetly and waits for them to continue.

"Yeah, so, can I have a bouquet of Camellia? White, they need to be white," Baekhyun asks after a second of silence.

She squints and walks between the tables. "You're in luck, darling, these have just blossomed."

Chanyeol's phone rings and he excuses himself. It's Sehun, even though that bastard just saw them. Baekhyun is left alone in the room with Sehun's mother.

"Are you going to give these to Chanyeol?" She asks as she binds five of them together.

"Yeah, that's the plan."

"Did you know every flower has a meaning to it?"

"Cool. What's that flower's meaning?"

"You don't know?" Baekhyun shakes his head. "White Camellias are given to people you fancy. They mean 'I like you'."

Baekhyun takes the bouquet in his hands. Oh. Is that why Sehun told him to get these flowers for Chanyeol? Is that why he winked at him? Does Chanyeol… Like him?

"You know, it's on the house. Chanyeol's a good boy. He has the potential for a good aura, but it's easily affected by others. His aura has been gloomy lately. But with you… I almost couldn't recognize him. I've never seen him this happy. Please, just don't break his heart." If he does, he'll have to pay for these flowers.

Baekhyun blinks slowly. That was a lot of information. So Chanyeol is definitely into him. That thought alone makes him smile like crazy again. What else is there to look for in this world? "Thanks. I won't." At least he'll try not to.

He leaves the shop to see Chanyeol grunting on the phone. He puts his phone in his pocket.

Yes. For sure. He likes Chanyeol. A lot. All those cute actions he does when he's angry, when he's happy, sad, scared, proud… Anything. Cute. His glasses have stained pink. Permanently.

"Ugh, that damn Sehun just wanted to check in on me and remind me what's the meaning of those flowers."

"Yeah? His mom just told me as well."

Chanyeol blushes and looks away. Stop. Too adorable. "Well… You don't… I know it's… I just…" He can't seem to collect his thoughts. "I'm trying to say that these flowers don't have to mean anything. They're just pretty flowers."

Baekhyun's smile doesn't drop. "But they can. And they do." He hands the flowers to him. The snow is falling and it's cold, they'll probably die if they don't get them to warmth soon. Chanyeol stares at him with his eyes wide, slowly taking the flowers in his own hands.

"What?"

"I like you."

His heart might drop from his chest any minute now. He just takes Chanyeol's hand in his and they start walking back to the arcade as if his heart didn't feel like it's failing him any minute now. Chanyeol can barely walk, let alone say anything. So they walk in silence. And that's fine.

"Baek..." Chanyeol finally opens his mouth as he stops walking. He doesn't say anything else as he wraps him in his arms and doesn't let go. Baekhyun is fine just like this. It's warm. It's cozy. He definitely likes Chanyeol. And even if Chanyeol can't say it, he can feel it. He definitely likes him back.

Fingers crossed he won't break his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby boi chanyeol ;-; <3


	5. mint

Baekhyun is strolling to his favorite spot for skipping math. Ah, the locker room. The place where teachers never ever step their foot in. So it’s the perfect place.

He couldn’t be happier, but he doesn’t have the mental capacity to think about math. Sure he could just sit there and daydream, but the teacher is too big of a pain in the ass and he doesn’t want to be called stupid or be humiliated in front of the whole class again. Sure he often ends up joking about it and people laugh with him and not just at him. But today he’s not in the mood for such meaningless bickering.

He would go if Chanyeol was at school today, but he’s not, so what’s the point? Chanyeol has been so quiet again. He doesn't talk to him as much as he did and he's not coming to school. Maybe he's just sick.

He opens the door to the locker rooms. The lights are on, someone must've been here. But it won't be a teacher, that's for sure. So he decides to walk to his favorite spot, he can already imagine taking his phone and immersing himself in a good game of PUBG…

Just as he's walking he hears a noise. Two voices to be exact. He looks to his right and sees something he never wished to see. There are two male students on the other end of the room, the other one on his knees before the other.

He raises his eyebrows up to his hairline and doesn't know what to do. He can't look away. And just then they see him, and Baekhyun realizes that those aren't just any male students, but his friends. Minseok is the one grabbing Jongdae's hair.

"Well, good for you two," he comments before he starts backing away. He hears Minseok and Jongdae curse and hurry as they put their clothes on and run after him. But he doesn't stop walking, no he doesn't stop until he's out of the locker room.

"Baekhyun, I swear, I will kill you if you tell anyone," he hears Minseok say. He actually sounds pretty terrified. Baekhyun turns around to look at him. His whole being has flushed a deep shade of red. "Because we're not gay or anything."

Baekhyun doesn't smile like he usually does. Minseok is so fucking annoying at times. Like the typical jock who doesn't care about anyone except himself, it's all him and what he wants and needs. Sure Jongdae can suck his dick as long as he can keep his reputation. "Look, I don't care, if you wanna suck dick, then suck dick. It's 2018, nobody cares."

"You're not really known to keep your mouth shut, Byun." Jongdae is behind Minseok, he looks sorry, sad even. But his lips are sealed. Maybe Minseok's cum is actually glue, who knows. But when has Baekhyun ever slipped out a secret? He's the best at keeping secrets.

"What's the big deal? I don't care. Why would I tell anyone?" Sure he would've appreciated it if they had told him, but that's beyond the point. Nor would he have wanted to see it.

"Byun, you don't understand. People do care, and they can't know. I have my whole future ahead of me, and I can't blow it." But he sure can blow Jongdae.

"As if being straight was the only way to become successful," Baekhyun says as he rolls his eyes.

"Baek, please! You know he'll get into the national team, and we can't ruin that for him!" So now Jongdae steps up. When it's time to stand up for Minseok.

"Ruin that for him? Okay. I literally don't give two flying fucks about this." Why is it so hard for them to get it through their thick skulls? People can fuck whoever they wanna fuck, why are they still arguing about this?

"You wouldn't understand! You're doomed to work at fast-food chains for the rest of your life since you're so fucking dumb and lazy!" Jongdae raises his voice and Baekhyun can only blink in his direction. They hold fierce eye contact and Jongdae's chest is rising and falling rapidly, his eyes are dark with shame and anger.

But Baekhyun can only turn around and start walking towards his math class. Even that sounds appealing right now, anything to get away from these two. Then images of Chanyeol and his group of friends flash in his mind. They're great people. He hopes they know that. Maybe he should tell them that.

His heart stings so much and he tries to bat away the tears that are starting to well in his eyes. His best friend since elementary school. He's called him dumb and lazy many times, but it was all just a joke. Not this time. He's never seen Jongdae that sincere. He didn't think Jongdae would actually think of him as an idiot. Good to know that.

He doesn't even care, it's them who make such a big deal out of it.

He wipes away the tears that have almost fallen from his eyes before knocking on the classroom door. Sure the teacher will make him admit to the whole class that he hasn't done his homework, admit that he's a big fucking moron with no future ahead of him.

Sure, Jongdae is right. He will most likely spend the rest of his life playing video games and working part-time as a cashier.

The teacher opens the door and immediately starts complaining to him. "What's your excuse this time, Baekhyun?"

"Nurse." He doesn't say anything else, he knows the teacher will understand, he's heard the same excuse over and over again, Baekhyun says he was at the nurse's office, but the teacher doesn't care at this point. Even he has given up on him. He will never become anything. The teacher rolls his eyes and points to his seat, telling him to just go and be quiet. Surprisingly, he didn't humiliate him today.

He makes his way to his seat but his eyes get caught on something beautiful. Someone beautiful just next to his seat on the back row. All feels right in this world at this moment, when Chanyeol looks back at him and smiles.

Baekhyun grins as he sits down. He didn't know Chanyeol was in school. "Where were you?" The taller one asks as if he hadn't skipped the last two classes.

"I was gonna skip since you're not in school." He looks at the taller one from head to toes. He's very much in school right now. "Where were _you_?" Chanyeol is beautiful. Even though his hair is a mess and there are blemishes on his face. To be fair, even if he wore a trash bag, he'd still be way easier on the eyes than anyone else. 

Chanyeol looks away and bites his lip. "At the nurse's office."

"For two hours? Are you lying to me?" Chanyeol shakes his head. Oh. He really was at the nurse's office for two hours. "What were you doing there?"

"Just… Talking. And resting."

Baekhyun stares into his eyes for a bit. It looks like he's been crying. Heck, he's been crying too, but he can barely even remember what he was sad about now that he got to talk to Chanyeol.

So he decides to ask the ever-dreaded question. "Are you okay, Chanyeol?" Chanyeol still hasn't told him why he takes such a distance from him from time to time. Why he doesn't pick up the phone every day, why he doesn't show up to school, why he looks so tired, so sad and why he spends hours at the nurse's office every week. He hasn't even told Baekhyun that he would like him back.

Chanyeol looks out the window. Baekhyun looks at the notes he was taking just now. It looks like he was actually studying. And he's actually come up with answers to the equations. Sadly, they look like hieroglyphs to Baekhyun, no matter how much he stared at them he wouldn't understand a single thing. "Right now? I… I've been better. But I've also been worse, so it's okay…"

Baekhyun nods. He wants to know what bothers Chanyeol. What makes him so sad all the time. Or does Chanyeol know the answer to that either? He can't stop staring at him.

And the melancholy radiating from Chanyeol and his sluggish gestures makes Baekhyun's blood boil and he feels uneasy, like solving a math equation he doesn't understand. He wants nothing more than to see Chanyeol smiling, to see his eyes glimmer with hope. The way he acts reminds him of how his mother acted before she got taken away. Baekhyun bites his lips and tries to think of something. Something to make him feel better right now. Surely he can heal Chanyeol with enough love and adoration. Maybe that's how he could've stopped his mother. If he had told her he loves her more often.

But he doesn't know what he should say. First, because they're in class, and second, because he's not the best with words. So he just keeps looking at him, even if Chanyeol doesn't take this into account, he only keeps looking out the window or at the teacher in the front.

Baekhyun can think of one thing to cheer up Chanyeol. The one thing that always works on him, not sure it has the same effect on Chanyeol this time. He looks around himself and reaches down to his pocket, trying to be as discreet as possible. He pulls out a few sugary wine gums and he holds his fist in front of Chanyeol. "Candy?"

Chanyeol turns to look at the hand and then at Baekhyun with his brows furrowed. Chanyeol is always such a goodie two shoes, afraid of the teachers. He looks pretty horrified as if Baekhyun was asking him to sin.

He takes a hold of Chanyeol's hand to slip the candy to him. His heart is doing that weird thing again where his blood starts moving faster in his body. Especially now that Chanyeol smiles at him. Finally. The smile he loves to see so much. All these people can stare, but he doesn’t care, no, because Chanyeol is smiling. That’s all that matters.

Chanyeol is cute. Baekhyun has been trying to hoard as much information about him as possible, the hardest part is to get him to open up. He knows many things by now. He knows Chanyeol comes from a wealthy family, his hair is naturally just a tiny bit wavy, he likes dogs and all kinds of animals. Oversized clothing looks the best on him, especially baggy hoodies, they make him look so huggable. He’s the best at playing the guitar, he plays like a pro. His favorite band is Coldplay but he also likes 90’s alternative rock music. His eyes sparkle whenever he talks about his passion for music or his favorite Netflix shows, which are the Office and How I Met Your Mother, since light-hearted comedy is what his heart can handle. He relates to Ted in a way, apparently, because it always seems like he goes unnoticed and life just keeps crapping on him. Baekhyun hasn’t seen these shows so he has no idea what he’s talking about.

Chanyeol’s eyes also sparkle when someone gives him a compliment, when he’s done something right and gets recognition for it. But when people give him harsh feedback his gaze lowers and he starts fiddling with his sleeves as he nods his head. Baekhyun knows Chanyeol is the type to take the feedback straight to his heart. He will work harder and harder to achieve that goal, but at what cost? He bullies himself, beats himself up because of it for days! For weeks! Baekhyun is the complete opposite, he doesn’t care about getting better if people tell him to, but in a way he understands. He likes to be the best in video games and that motivates him.

Maybe someone hurt Chanyeol’s soft heart and that’s causing him to be this sad. But usually he’s at least motivated to continue, even if his mental health degraded in the process. Now he’s… Baekhyun can’t wrap his head around it.

Chanyeol smiles at him when he notices that Baekhyun has been staring at him for minutes now. Not like Baekhyun cared about how that makes him look. He could keep staring at him for days without ever growing bored. But the happy gesture makes Baekhyun smile as well.

While in his daydreams, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. Shoot. If the teacher hears that he’s going to confiscate it. His sweet PUBG…

He quickly glances at his screen. Oh. It’s from Luhan. Inviting him to a party. Ugh. He would love to go, but the thought of spending time with Minseok and Jongdae makes him gag. He’s pissed beyond no end.

Chanyeol notices this and points to his phone. "Who’s that?"

"Oh, it’s Luhan… inviting me to a party."

"Sounds fun. Why do you look so annoyed?" Maybe his brows have furrowed.

"I know, it’s fun but it depends on who I’m with." A lightbulb forms on the top of his head and he points to the younger one. "You should come with me!" He tries to whisper but the thought of spending time with Chanyeol makes him so excited it's hard not to yell.

Chanyeol raises his eyebrows and starts looking around. He begins fiddling with his sleeves. "Whose party is it?"

"Luhan’s. Don’t worry, his parties are never as wild as Jihoon’s."

"But it’s for seniors."

"It’s not that strict. I’ll go if you come with me."

Chanyeol is on the verge of agreeing, it’s obvious. The way he twitches and suppresses his smile. "On one condition," it’s a celebration in Baekhyun’s head, "you won’t ever leave my side there ‘cause I don’t know anyone."

"Deal!" He almost shouts, earning a few glares from his classmates, to which he only smiles.

"Baekhyun, is there something you’d like to share with the whole class?" The teacher suddenly notes and all eyes turn to him. But Chanyeol’s are the only pair of eyes that interest him. "Or would you mind keeping your mouth shut for once?"

Baekhyun makes a gesture as if locking his lips together. The teacher only rolls his eyes and lets it slide again. He really is fed up with Baekhyun.

He’ll stay quiet for now. Because he’s going to spend time with Chanyeol tomorrow night. And that makes him happy.

**

He arrived at Luhan’s house with Chanyeol, holding hands with him. It’s a big house, a lot bigger than Jihoon’s. That’s why there’s more room for it not to get so wild. But the place is already bustling with people, the music can be heard outside since the door is wide open for the guests. Luhan lives quite far from the city, his closest neighbor lives a few hundred meters away, so they won’t call the cops or anything.

Baekhyun never brings his own booze, because Luhan always reserves some alcohol for him. He knows he struggles with money and buying alcohol is like burning money. You use money to ruin your body and if you get drunk enough you won’t even remember anything from the night before, yet you’re at least 30 bucks in debt. Literally you could just sleep, which has the same effect except that it’s less embarrassing and cheaper. Still, people do it.

Getting completely wasted is not something Baekhyun enjoys doing. He gets way too handsy and loud when he’s in a condition like that. Besides, he doesn’t enjoy the headache and nausea that follow.

He grips Chanyeol’s hand tighter and smiles at him as they get inside. Chanyeol is taking deep calming breaths, he seems nervous, but still stunning as always. Better than usual. He’s pretty sure he’s wearing some makeup too. His clothes are all black, a long-sleeved striped shirt under his tee and ripped jeans. He looks so good in those, Baekhyun probably looks like trash compared to him in his jeans and basic white sweatshirt.

They walk through the hallway together, and Baekhyun greets almost everyone on the way. They’re mainly just seniors, some are his old friends or his choir friends, then there are jocks, jocks, so many jocks. They like Baekhyun, in a way at least. They like to make fun of him but they also turn to him when they need something. Which is fine, they respect him, talk to him like a normal human being since he's the fun, semi-popular guy.

Baekhyun doesn’t remember a single conversation he's had with these people, he’s always wasted when talking to them. But he knows that under all those high fives, bro hugs and disgusting sexual jokes are pretty decent human beings.

Except for people like Yongsoo. Generally speaking Jihoon and his gang are just plain idiots. At least to Baekhyun. But he understands that there must be something Jihoon’s girlfriend sees in that jerk so they can’t be all bad.

Chanyeol and his friends are way more pure, way more fun to be around, too. He stares at Chanyeol again like the man hung the stars and the moon in the sky.

One particular asshole walks up to them and comes really close to Baekhyun, making Baekhyun calmly turn away from Chanyeol. Jongmin is such an ass, one of the soccer players on Luhan’s team. He looks down on Baekhyun and then he looks at Chanyeol and their linked hands.

"Wow, Baek, who’s this? Your new boy toy?"

"Is this how you greet me, Choi?" Baekhyun squints his eyes. Usually there’s a reason one is an asshole. Usually. He thinks. 

People whose moods are easily affected often become close to him, since he's so fun to be around, and Baekhyun has realized that that's when they're themselves the most. They tend to be less like assholes if they're alone with him. They think they are close to him but nobody is. There are things he’s told Chanyeol that most of these don’t know. You could say Chanyeol knows him the best. 

But this Jongmin. He has not shared his story, nor will he ever do so. He’s such a narcissistic asshole he doesn’t even acknowledge his own problems. That’s why Baekhyun hates him.

He really doesn't miss having to be an emotional punching bag for people.

Jongmin smiles his smug smile. "I’m sorry. Hi, princess Byun." Baekhyun furrows his brows. Then Jongmin turns to Chanyeol and the latter’s gaze drops immediately. Chanyeol looks tiny even though they’re the same height, he looks uncomfortable as hell. Baekhyun is fuming by now, he steps in between them, as a small midget. 

"I will rip your head off if you say or do anything to him." Baekhyun glares at the soccer player. No idea where that came from, but he feels Chanyeol squeeze his hand softly and that makes him feel even more courageous. He feels Chanyeol breathe heavily as it travels to his neck. He won't stop glaring at Jongmin. No one wants to feel a kind person's wrath.

"Jongmin, fuck off, would you?" They hear Luhan say with his soft voice. He walks into the scene with drinks in his hands. "Why are you harassing my guests in my house? They’ve barely walked in."

Jongmin scuffs away with snarky remarks nobody cares about enough to hear. Luhan turns to the two of them. "Sorry." He offers them both a whole bottle of soju each. That’ll keep them warm for the night.

"Why is he being such an ass?"

Luhan scratches his neck awkwardly. "There’s a rumor going on around school that you’re gay. I don’t know who started it but Minseok told me about it."

Minseok?

That fucking bastard.

Baekhyun presses his lips together and his head turns red, he's fuming. He opens his bottle and exclaims that he needs a drink. He needed to let go of Chanyeol’s hand and the worried look on Chanyeol’s face makes him feel down.

They shouldn’t be sad.

Tonight is all about having fun.

But Chanyeol only stares at him. "Are you okay, Baek?"

"Why would I not be? It’s none of their business, most don’t even care, so." The only reason he’s mad is that it was Minseok and Jongdae. Of course it was them. Who else would bother to make such a rumor?

Before Chanyeol can say anything to him he takes a shot of his drink, squinting at the familiar taste. The bittersweet taste. He feels nothing change, so he takes another chug.

He turns to Chanyeol who still seems rather sorry. Why should he be sorry? He wants to wipe that sadness off him and replace it with a smile. "C’mon, Channie, chug!" That came out a bit louder than intended. Maybe the alcohol is already in his bloodstream. He opens Chanyeol’s drink for him and watches as he awkwardly takes a sip and makes a horrible face afterward. Baekhyun chuckles at that, he’s cute. He could kiss him right there right now. But he’s not drunk enough to be that reckless.

"This is… horrible," Chanyeol says and smacks his tongue against the roof of his mouth like a cat eating something bad. Even Luhan laughs at him. Baekhyun had completely forgotten about Luhan.

"You get used to it," the Chinese one says before whispering something so only Baekhyun can hear. "But hey, If you are gay, I’m completely fine with it."

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. He literally does not care enough to keep talking about this. So what if people think he’s gay? Most of them still seem to treat him the same. "Thanks, but I don’t think _anyone_ has a problem with it. Except for that douche. Now let’s go dance, Channie!" He grabs his hand forcefully and starts leading them towards the living room area, even if Chanyeol complains weakly how he does not know how to dance. Luhan is left somewhere, Baekhyun doesn’t really care.

The people are swinging next to them, not caring about anyone but themselves and the people they are with, but Baekhyun can sense that Chanyeol feels too shy to even move. As if all eyes were on him. He’s so awkward with his body, even though he exclaimed to be amazing in everything that involves using his body. He’s so adorable. Baekhyun tries to seduce him, lure him in with his silly moves and his stupid grin, show him that nobody actually cares if he looks stupid or not. They won't remember even if they saw. The look on Chanyeol’s face makes him more motivated to continue, heck, Chanyeol is the only one he sees in this crowded room.

Chanyeol is smiling, biting his lower lip. As if contemplating on whether or not to join Baekhyun. He finally seems to give in as he chugs a lot of his drink before putting it down.

Baekhyun grabs his arms and starts swinging him all kinds of ways. Baekhyun starts moving his body in silly ways, in the rhythm, and Chanyeol mirrors these moves to the best of his abilities.

And he is laughing. Baekhyun can’t remember the last time Chanyeol was actually genuinely laughing and smiling this wide. He’s sparkling as if his whole being was covered in glitter.

And they drink.

And dance.

At some point Baekhyun gets so loud Chanyeol tries to shush him but only ends up being loud himself and they start giggling. Maybe they really are drunk. But not too drunk. He’s smiling so much his cheeks start aching as the whole room spins.

It feels like nothing in this world could kill this high. But then he makes the mistake of looking next to him and his eyes land on Jongdae. If he was any drunker he would go give Jongdae a piece of his mind. But sadly, he is not. And he doesn’t want Jongdae to ruin his mood.

The latter looks at him straight into his eyes. Well, his day is now ruined. And he wants to get the fuck away from that traitor.

He grabs onto Chanyeol’s hand and leads him away from the living room, the younger one is so easy to lead anywhere, he never puts up a fight. 

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere." Even he doesn’t know yet. They take the stairs up with wobbly steps and loud laughter.

He finds a bedroom and peeks inside, it’s empty, so he opens the door wide open for Chanyeol.

"What are we doing?" He steps inside anyway.

"What do you mean? I just wanna spend time with you." Again, that smile. Maybe it’s the alcohol but Chanyeol seems to be radiating such joy, never has he seen Chanyeol live in the moment so freely. No restrictions. He’s almost always up in his head, in his thoughts. The only time he’s like this is when he’s playing an instrument. And drunk apparently.

Baekhyun sits down on the bed and pats on it to make Chanyeol sit next to him. This giggly, stunning, drunk Chanyeol sits next to him, so at ease. If only he could be like this every time they’re together. Every day, preferably.

Baekhyun inches closer to him. His lips look so tempting and soft as his eyelids droop slightly over his eyes. The small smile tugging at the corners of his lips… Everything is perfect right now.

"How drunk are you on a scale of one to ten?"

Chanyeol hums and makes a face, the kind he would never make in his right mind. "Like… maybe 3."

Baekhyun laughs straight into his face. "Only three? Fuck off, it's at least five."

"I'm sober enough to know what I'm doing if that's what you're implying."

"How do you know what I'm implying?"

"I happen to be a genius of some sort, I know all kinds of things about the way you act," Chanyeol says and purses his lips together, obviously trying to hold in his laughter. Baekhyun has raised his legs on the bed and is subconsciously inching even further towards him.

"Okay, what are they?" He pries. Chanyeol looks so chill as he's leaning on his arm. Does Chanyeol really know more about him than anyone else?

"There are a lot of things you do. You always send me a good night message at 11 pm, even though you don't go to bed by then, you probably actually don't care about how my day went but you listen anyway, you always pick up the phone after it rings three times and if I don’t call you after your shift ends you wait half an hour before calling me. And you really don't give a crap about stupid drama, you just wanna do you. And you always have something up your sleeve when you ask me questions out of the blue, like right now."

"Correction, our phone calls are the highlight of my day, so don't think I don't care about our conversations."

"Why would you, though? You have millions of friends, even here, everyone likes you."

"But I don't like everyone. There's only one person I wanted to attend this party with, and it's you. I've said it before but I'll say it again. I like you, Channie." They hold intense eye contact for a while as Baekhyun puts his palms on Chanyeol’s cheeks and caresses them. His cheeks are so soft… His smile is so pretty. But his eyes are definitely his best feature, the ones that got his attention in the first place. How they were so sad… But now the sadness has faded somehow… Or maybe it's just hidden for now.

Their faces are so close to each other. If only Baekhyun could shift just a tiny bit closer, he could touch his lips with his own…

"I also happen to know two more things."

"Which are?"

"The first one is that you're super hot, did you know that?" Baekhyun stares at him and feels the skin under his fingers get warm. Maybe it's the alcohol, or maybe Chanyeol is not drunk enough and he's getting shy all of a sudden. He feels a smile creep up his own face again. "And the second one is that I like you so much it physically hurts me because I can't like someone so cool, hot, friendly and talented. Especially be liked by this said perfect package, because you deserve someone so much better."

Baekhyun's head goes empty. He rarely thinks before acting, and what he does next could easily be blamed on the alcohol.

He leans in to close the gap between their lips. Chanyeol is slightly taken aback, but closes his eyes and softens into the kiss, responding as soon as he realizes what's going on.

Brains being tossed out the window they start kissing. Really kissing. Baekhyun is really kissing Chanyeol. Finally.

Chanyeol's soft lips taste like candy, his favorite thing in the whole wide world. His hands tug on his hair and Baekhyun pushes Chanyeol down to lay on the bed.

Softly licking his lower lip, Chanyeol’s mouth opens and Baekhyun softly sucks on his lip, then explores his mouth with his tongue. It’s all soft and slow, steady, easy.

Not like Baekhyun has made out with many people, but he does have more experience than Chanyeol.

His insides feel like bursting, never ever has he felt this way when kissing someone. It was always just pure lust, but this… This is something else. He wants to go slow, savour every moment of it…

Either he’s falling in love or he’s extremely drunk and he’s dying.

He parts from the kiss to look at the younger one under him and he traces his fingers down his cheek.

Maybe he’s already dead. There’s no way someone this gorgeous can be a human being. He must be kissing an angel.

”Woah,” the angel gasps for air and runs his hand through Baekhyun’s hair with his big hands. ”Am I in heaven?” The touch makes him feel like a cat that’s being petted. So soft and tender...

”That’s what I was thinking, too. Maybe we are.” He doesn’t bother looking away from Chanyeol. Heaven or not, he won’t spend another second wondering where they are. Maybe heaven is with Chanyeol.

And he kisses him again.

And again.

Until neither of them can feel their lips anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not promoting drinking i swear  
> but uwu they're cute i cri  
> also no hate on xiuchen skfjafj maybe there's a reason behind all of this ooo


	6. lollipop

Baekhyun grips on the piping tool a bit too harshly and the heart he tries to cream on top of the latte just ends up looking like a big ball of nothing. Yet another failed one. He can't seem to focus, but today is the worst day to be distracted, it's the busiest day of the whole year!

It's Valentine's day. Couples and friends and whoever runs in all order Ai Café's special Valentine's day coffee. It's nothing really special, just a latte flavored with  _ love _ , or to put it in English, just a bunch of strawberry-flavor with cinnamon and a ton of sugar with pink cream on top. It's what this shop is known for. But Baekhyun can't seem to make them to the best of his abilities. He knows he can do better, but his mind is too occupied.

Everything is too annoying. The customers that walk in with their obnoxious loved ones. Usually, he thinks it's just sweet, they're cute, but today he could not be more bitter.

Because it's Valentine's day and he has to be working, when in fact he could be spending it with  _ his  _ Valentine.

Speaking of the devil, ever since they kissed, Chanyeol has been talking to him a lot less. It's nothing unusual at this point, but it's Valentine's day and they are obviously into each other but they can't even make plans on this special day! And that has to be the reason he's not succeeding in his normal, everyday tasks.

He feels his boss eye him behind him, sighing deeply at another failure of his. It's not necessarily bad, just not the perfection guaranteed to the customers.

"I know, shut up," Baekhyun grunts. He knows Mr. Lee too well by now, the man who's a friend of his father's. They were friends long before Baekhyun was even born, so they often talk like they were relatives.

"Is something on your mind?" His wrinkles are evident as he raises the inner corners of his brows.

"No," he scuffs and gets back to making more of the coffees. 

"You know, for an 18-year-old boy, you sure do a lot without complaining. Now come on, I know you want to let it out."

That's right, Baekhyun rarely complains. Not about how he has to work part-time in order to have that extra bit of cash to survive and do what he enjoys, about having to study amidst it all, about how he can't afford singing or piano lessons. About his friends turning their backs on him and throwing him under the bus after all the things he's done for them.

And not once has he complained about the lack of attention Chanyeol is giving him. He used to be fine with it, but it's starting to build up. He can only be patient to a certain extent.

So he sighs and turns to Mr. Lee with his eyebrows all furrowed. "You're right, I am annoyed and I can't focus."

"Why?"

"Because… I kissed someone and we like each other and today is Valentine's day but we haven't said a thing to each other in three days. I'm usually just fine with it, but he's done this a lot lately. And he won't tell me what's up."

Mr. Lee nods his head, that was a lot of information, especially since it's the first time he's actually shared anything about his personal life. He never shares anything personal. "Sounds like you're in quite a pickle. There's nothing you can really do other than provide him a safe space to open up and… Time. You can't force him to open up if it isn't time for that yet."

Baekhyun sighs. He knew that. He knows that. He takes in a few deep breaths. Chanyeol will open up to him soon. He just needs time.

"Can I leave a bit earlier today?" Baekhyun suddenly asks, and the man takes a look at the time. His shift ends in an hour, he's been working for 6 hours already, it's 3 PM. If he got to go soon he could go check up on Chanyeol. Yes, he needs time, but he could also just be the type to distance himself from the people he likes, and he needs to make sure that's not the case.

"Sure, I can handle this. If you would be so kind as to clean the tables first."

Baekhyun nods as he takes the cleaning supplies. The quicker he is the less time there is before he can meet Chanyeol. That makes him focus even better, wiping all the empty tables has never been this fun.

Only three more tables. He hears the door open and the bell makes a sound, a customer has walked in. Baekhyun looks up from curiosity but he didn't expect it to be the one he was just thinking about. Chanyeol looks scruffy, his skin is breaking out a little and his hair looks like the wind got to ruffle it a good amount of time. He's wearing his usual oversized hoodie and his white winter coat on top of it, the one that makes him look extra huggable. Chanyeol didn't notice him before walking up to the counter and looking around like the lost puppy he is.

Baekhyun walks up to him. "Hi," he says with a wide smile. As Chanyeol turns to him he notices just how dark the circles under his eyes are, just how tired he looks. His skin isn't that bad, but it does look like he hasn't been taking care of himself in a while. Was he like this when they last met? No, he couldn't have been.

"Hi," Chanyeol greets back and starts smiling widely. He has a package with him wrapped in pink wrapping paper. A cute delivery boy, yes.

"What are you doing here?"

He starts looking around. "When do you get off work?"

"Now. Bye, Baekhyun," Mr. Lee says behind the counter and he has a knowing smile as well. Baekhyun smiles at his boss and takes everything into the kitchen and leaves his apron in his spot. He's never left work this fast in his entire life.

"Bye, Mr. Lee," he says and does a finger heart ironically to him. Then he starts leading Chanyeol outside into the cold air. But the sun is shining brightly, warming them up at least a little bit.

He doesn't let go of Chanyeol's hand as they start walking along the street. They don't really have a destination as they just… Walk where their legs take them. They can't walk far, though, they have to walk back to Baekhyun's car eventually.

It's cold, so Baekhyun stuffs his hand that is holding Chanyeol's into the latter's pocket. That's better. He won't let go of his hand no matter how cold it is.

Chanyeol starts smiling and he looks down. There are a few couples on the streets walking, just like them, and even more banners and different campaigns, people are really taking advantage of this repulsive day of love.

"I'm sorry, Baek, I feel like... I keep avoiding you and that's not fair to you."

"You're avoiding me?" Baekhyun's brows knit together. That… Stings more than he thought it would. That actually hurts a lot. He can't quite wrap his head around it but the thumping in his chest gets louder, it feels like the blood rushing in his head from his hurting heart is filled with negativity, filling his brain with these further hurtful thoughts.

Chanyeol sighs, he can't even look at him anymore. "Not on purpose… It's just… It's complicated." 

"Tell me all about it, I'll listen."

"That's the problem, Baek. You're too kind. That is why I think I keep avoiding you subconsciously. You're too perfect and I can't be but jealous. You make me feel so good, so thrilled, but also so… Bad… It's not your fault I feel this way. Sometimes I just wish I could turn off these negative thoughts." Baekhyun can't say anything as he keeps staring at Chanyeol's tired face. They walk in silence for a while before they reach the park.

"Why?" He finally has the courage to ask, his voice so silent it's barely audible. They sit on one of the benches and listen to the naked trees rustling in the wind.

"My life without you has been a steady, negative ride with no ups, just a regular slope down. And that's what I was used to," his voice breaks as he keeps going, silently. It must not be easy for him to explain this. "But with you, I've never been happier. The first few days when we spent time together… I've never felt such… Thrill waiting for our next meeting. I've never felt so happy to have someone listen to me. But my own insecurities eat me alive, I can't but wonder if that's what you feel too, I can't but feel myself get too attached to something I could've easily just made up in my head. That's why the downs, in contrast to the ups, feel so goddamn excruciating. You make everything so much easier, but when you're away, it just… Hurts."

Baekhyun doesn't say anything. He can't say anything. So he has fallen for someone who reminds him of his mother. He feels his head go a little bit empty, even though this is exactly what he wanted. An explanation. A reason. But he didn't want to believe that the reason would be this, even if it makes perfect sense now that he thinks about it.

"Especially when you first told me you liked me. It's not fair, someone like you shouldn't like someone like me. I didn't want to tell you this, because I wanted to pretend everything is fine, like everything was perfect with you, but that only hurt me more." His voice gets a little shaky as his whole body starts trembling, he can't breathe properly.

Baekhyun takes a deep breath to organize his thoughts. "Channie… It's okay..."

Chanyeol's head falls down and tears fall from his eyes, creating little wet stains on his jeans. "No. No, it's not."

That was the most honest reply he's ever gotten from anyone. Why pretend it's okay when it surely isn't? He sits closer to him and hugs him tight, just like he did to his mother every time she cried, clung on to her side and rest his head on her shoulder. And Chanyeol lets out a few silent sobs, breaking Baekhyun's heart like that.

"I want you to tell me everything. What's wrong?"

"I don't know. There's no reason. I'm just… Exhausted, tired, sad and… I don't know… I just don't have the energy to do anything and then I feel even worse for not doing anything. That's why I say I have a boring life, my days go by and I don't even remember a single thing I did, because I don't do anything, I can't even sleep, I just lay in bed, thinking."

"Is there anything I can do to make it go away?"

Chanyeol chuckles lightly before Baekhyun hears another sniffle. He shakes his head. "You can't make it go away, I can't make it go away. It's like this black fog that takes up space in my brain, preventing me from feeling any positive emotion, and I'm so tired of being sad, Baek. I'm so tired." He leans his head on Baekhyun's and the latter purses his lips together, fighting back the tears as he grips onto Chanyeol's coat tighter.

If only there was a magic word to cure Chanyeol's mind. If only there was something Baekhyun could do and say to make Chanyeol feel better. "Is there really nothing I can say or do to make you feel better?"

"Temporarily, you can. I already feel a lot better right now… But… No… Not really."

"Temporary happiness is still better than nothing," Baekhyun says and takes a deep breath before raising his head up. "First of all, nobody is perfect, I'm not perfect, no matter what you think. Heck, I'm as dumb as a shoe, and you're a difficult equation. Ever since we first met I've been dying to understand you, all I want is for you to talk to me like you would to your best friend. Tell me everything. And for the most part, you do, but then you get quiet again. But I like you. Even if you think you're boring. Even if you think you don't deserve me." He lifts up Chanyeol's face by his chin, to make him look at him in the eyes. "Because you're a difficult math equation and I've never been more determined to solve this."

Chanyeol smiles, even if he's still crying. "Thanks. It's not useless, I don't wanna make you feel like everything you do is pointless… If anything, you're the reason I want to get better. The reason why I'm starting therapy."

Baekhyun feels a genuine smile creep up his face. That's a start, at least. Patience. That's what this relationship needs. "It's so… Weird. You seem so happy every time we meet. I've never seen you laugh like you did a week ago at the party. But then you disappear for days… At least now I know why." Because of his black fog that he carries around him. That black fog that makes everything painfully exhausting and difficult, even getting up from the bed.

"I was only happy because I was with you, and we were a bit tipsy. That night when I got home, to my empty and cold home… It was horrible. The worst slope in my whole life. Because I couldn't stop thinking if you were just drunk or if you actually wanted to kiss me, and I started making a huge deal out of everything, like the dumbass I am."

Baekhyun glances at his lips again. He wants to kiss him now even more than that night, because now he knows what it's like. He shakes his head. "Definitely not because we were drunk." He contemplates for a while whether or not to kiss him, but he ends up not doing so as he resorts back to hugging him.

"Can you now please whine about something so I don't feel so bad about opening up to you?"

"I'm glad you did. But… There is something I haven't told you," Baekhyun looks at the people in the distance, this is actually a dog park so a lot of dogs run past them, even if it's cold, these dogs don't seem to be affected by it. "You know the rumor about me? Yeah, I'm 99 percent sure it was Minseok and Jongdae who started it."

"What? Why? What makes you think that?" Chanyeol hugs Baekhyun's arms.

"Because I saw them sucking each other's dicks and they made such a big deal about it. Now I can't stand looking at the people I used to consider my friends."

Chanyeol stutters, his tears have stopped flowing by now. "They what?"

"Yeah, I've had this feeling that Jongdae is into Minseok for a while now but… Minseok is a jock and Jongdae worships the ground under his feet, and they're so closeted they couldn't even stand the fact that I, their friend, knew about it. It really pisses me off."

"I'm sorry. That's not really cool of them. I do respect how you still haven't taken revenge on them."

"If they wanna be idiots then that's their problem, not mine. I just wish Jongdae wouldn't have thrown me under the bus after all the years we've been friends. He was the only one I actually considered a friend. But now I don't have him either."

"I guess you and I aren't that different after all," Chanyeol points out, chuckling.

"What do you mean?"

"All we got is each other. Sure, we are not alone, but that doesn't mean we wouldn't get lonely."

Baekhyun hums. That's probably the most accurate explanation he's heard. Maybe that's why he likes Chanyeol. He makes him feel less alone in this cold, bitter world. As they sit on the bench, alone together in each other's arms, it really feels like there's nothing wrong with this world.

The trees are swaying slightly in the wind and people are calling for their pets. For just this moment, everything feels alright, even for Chanyeol, Baekhyun likes to think. If they didn't think about tomorrow, not about today, but only focused on the gray sky and the warmth radiating from each other's bodies.

"I feel like I should get you a dog," Baekhyun says after the comforting silence, eyeing all the dogs with their owners walking past.

Chanyeol laughs slightly. "Why?"

"Because it's Valentine's day and you love dogs. Quick, which one do you like, maybe I can slip it under my jacket while you distract the owner!"

Chanyeol starts laughing. Really laughing. Maybe Baekhyun does have some magic. "Oh, let me think. That Great Dane." He points to the black dog that's technically the same size as Baekhyun.

Baekhyun looks at the dog and scrunches his nose. "I would have an easier time disguising it as my horse than slip that huge monstrosity under my jacket."

Chanyeol laughs again. That's become music to Baekhyun's ears.

"Speaking of Valentine's gifts… I got you something." Chanyeol fishes out the small package from his pocket. Baekhyun lets go of his torso to receive the gift. It's quite small. And pink.

"For me?"

"Of course. Open it!" He's not crying anymore, but Baekhyun just has to stare at his face for a little bit longer before tearing apart the wrapping paper. Under the clumsy paper is a bag of his favorite candies, fruity taffies. His mouth starts watering just thinking about the sugary strawberry flavors melting on his tongue after the first few bites. That alone makes him smile. And to think that Chanyeol knew what his favorite candy is… His heart is melting. "Look under it."

Baekhyun lifts it up to see a blue piece of cardboard there.

Not just any piece of cardboard.

It's a 60 dollar Paysafe.

Baekhyun's eyes widen. Then he looks up at the smiling Chanyeol.

"You can finally buy that game you've been drooling over for the past few months."

"Which one?!" Baekhyun accidentally yells in agony. He has so many games he wants. There's always something new he wants even more than a few months ago. He throws himself on Chanyeol with a wide smile. "Thank you." Chanyeol wraps arms around his back and they stay like that for a while. It's always so comfortable hugging Chanyeol. "Wow, I love having a rich friend."

"I just love the way you make me feel. So I thought, what's something that would make you just as happy. And that's how I came up with these."

"Games do make me happy. But so do you." An idea pops in his head. "I'm cold, let's go." He stands up and starts dragging Chanyeol with him, back to his car all of a sudden. By now you would think Chanyeol has gotten used to his spontaneousness, but no.

They reach Baekhyun's home, the small house far from pretty much everything. It makes no sense that they own a house, but his father is still paying the debt for it, so he's keen on staying there. There are only two bedrooms that are right next to each other and one bathroom as well as a living room with a kitchen. For the two of them, it's perfectly fine.

Chanyeol looks around with his eyes so wide and mouth hanging open just a tiny bit. He looks so cute like that, that's all Baekhyun can think of. He opens the door to his room, kicking some clothes from the ground to make it appear less messy. He has no idea if the clothes are even dirty or clean…

"Your room is cute," Chanyeol comments as he keeps looking around, definitely checking out his posters. "But why do you have a bunk bed?"

"In case my brother ever comes home I guess?" Baekhyun shrugs as he puts the gift on his gaming table.

"You have a brother?"

"Yeah, Baekbeom. I have no idea where he is, we haven't talked in like… Four years I guess?"

"How do you not talk to your brother for four years?" Chanyeol frowns and sits down on his unmade bed. He's too tall, his head touches the upper bed that mainly serves as his laundry basket, he might have tossed all kinds of things on it...

Baekhyun just shrugs. "He hasn't contacted us and we haven't contacted him."

Chanyeol looks obviously troubled. He keeps opening and closing his mouth again and again.

"What?" Baekhyun manages to ask even if he's scared of the answer.

"I don't know… I'm just thinking… About what's it like having an older brother… I mean I only have an older sister. But I assume you don't wanna talk about that." Chanyeol is adorable, he could just be breathing and Baekhyun wants to smooch his whole face. The way he keeps looking around the room and biting his lips nervously… so cute.

"We fought a lot. And we're really different. I don't even remember much about him, he was so distant for the last couple of years before he moved out." Chanyeol just nods, not really knowing what to reply. "What's it like having a sister?"

"Well, she's always had my back. Like sure we fought but she was always really dear to me. But now she's studying in the US so… I don't talk to her all that much."

Baekhyun nods in return. "Sounds like a good person."

"Yoora is! I just wish she wasn't so far away."

"I kinda wish I knew where hyung is." But it would be too awkward between them if he tried to contact him now… The look on Chanyeol's face makes him smile and forget about the past. He's smiling that reassuring smile of his, the kind where he raises the inner corners of his eyebrows and smiles a tiny bit. Baekhyun just has to walk to him and run his fingers through his hair, pet him like a dog. His dark hair is so smooth and silky and the way it curls a little bit on some parts is just amazing. Even if it is messy.

Chanyeol doesn't question this behaviour at all, judging by his face that does not move one bit.

"You are so breathtaking."

The younger one's cheeks flush a deep shade of red as he's still looking at him in the eyes and biting his lips. Baekhyun just smiles and stares at him. Maybe he is weird,  _ the good kinda weird _ , but he doesn't mind and neither does Chanyeol seem to.

He takes a deep breath and pulls Chanyeol up on his feet. Chanyeol doesn't question his actions, even if he looks a bit confused sometimes.

He drags his gaming chair next to his cheap keyboard that's facing the wall and makes Chanyeol sit on it before he gets the notes from his phone and sits in front of the keyboard. "I just thought of a gift for you. Sorry if it's not perfect." Chanyeol keeps swaying from side to side, still not saying a thing but he sure is smiling.

Not once has he said anything about the coffee stains on Baekhyun's shirt, the way his glasses are dirty or how his hair reminds him of a bird's nest. Even though he's most likely noticed it. He always notices the little things no one else does. And Baekhyun appreciates that. He hates it when people point out obvious things. Like no shit? Not like he wouldn't notice that his world is getting blurry because of the grease on his lenses. Like, gee wow, thanks for pointing it out.

He places the notes in front of him and starts playing. He actually has to start over because he fumbled over the keys but they just end up laughing it off as he starts playing again.

After about ten seconds he starts singing.

Ever since Chanyeol told him he likes Coldplay he hasn't stopped listening to their music on Spotify. He doesn't much listen to music, at least not as much as Chanyeol, but Coldplay really reminds him of him. Both start with a C and have 8 letters in their names.

But this particular song came up in his mind today while hearing Chanyeol's cries. This song that's been stuck in his head for days now, the song he's been singing constantly without even noticing.

The lyrics start pouring from his mouth in a high pitch as he gets completely focused on the performance, hitting the keys on the instrument kind of harshly.

_ When you try your best but you don't succeed  _

_ When you get what you want but not what you need _

_ When you feel so tired but you can't sleep  _

_ Stuck in reverse _

_ When the tears come streaming down your face  _

_ When you lose something you can't replace  _

_ When you love someone but it goes to waste  _

_ Could it be worse? _

_ Lights will guide you home _

_ And ignite your bones _

_ And I will try to fix you. _

As he hits the last key he turns to Chanyeol with a wide grin. Chanyeol is looking at him with glossy eyes but he stays still.

"Don't lie, you kinda wanna cry," Baekhyun points out with a point of his finger, to which the younger one just nods his head, still not able to let out a single sound.

Chanyeol looks down and sort of lets out a sob. Heartbreaking, but Baekhyun only smiles and pets his hair.

"Your voice is so beautiful," he says with eyes brimming with tears. He's been crying so much today already. But Baekhyun doesn't mind, if it helps him feel better he would let him cry all day all night. If only he could feel better at the end of it.

"Is that why you're crying?" Of course Baekhyun is joking.

Chanyeol shakes his head. "Well, kinda." He sniffles a few times before looking up at Baekhyun, eyes still red and puffy. "But also because that's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard or received."

"Don't exaggerate. It was only like a minute long. And it just reminded me of you. Just let me fix you."

Chanyeol's expression is difficult to read. He's smiling but his eyes are full of sadness, it's like he's fighting something with his whole being, but it's not visible on the outside. It's like he's really trying to believe his smile.

But for now it's alright for Baekhyun. With time he will fix Chanyeol. For sure he wil-

"You can't. And I don't want you to."

Baekhyun bats his eyelashes. Again, something that stings. "What?" As if he hadn't heard.

"I don't want you to fix me. Because that's impossible. And you shouldn't, it's not your responsibility. I just want you to be here for me, but don't lose yourself in trying to fix me, we'll both end up broken."

Wait.

That's not how this is supposed to go.

He should be able to be everything for Chanyeol, anywhere he wants. He won't break in the process, at least if he succeeds.

He's supposed to hug Chanyeol until he feels better. Kiss his pain away. Make him feel loved and needed.

"What you're doing right now is already more than enough. But… you can't… And that's okay, because that's why I go to therapy. There are professionals who can help me."

Useless. Baekhyun looks away. If he can't fix Chanyeol's mood then what can he do?

He shakes his head. "I'll still try."

"Just… Don't get hurt."

He nods.

"And it's not your fault that I feel this way, okay..?"

Baekhyun hums. But he does play a role in Chanyeol's mood, of course, right? Before Chanyeol can say anything anymore, Baekhyun smiles and ruffles his hair, lighting up the mood with his jokes and gestures that make Chanyeol laugh.

Bullshit. Of course he can fix Chanyeol. He's already smiling and laughing so genuinely. Of course he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhh Baek is so stubborn smh  
> aa i hope you enjoy this chapter !!! if you've been a silent reader up to this point, i'd like to hear your thoughts uwu --- but no pressure of course :3  
> it was Chanyeol's birthday on Friday, I really miss him :((((((


	7. jawbreaker

Baekhyun grunts as he hits his keyboard in frustration. Nothing seems to work out, he's losing this match. He rolls his eyes as his teammates - consisting of people he doesn't even know - keep bombarding him with negative comments in the chat, further annoying him. The match is still on, but he sees his phone wake up on his desk under the screen. He looks at it and realizes that it's Chanyeol calling him. Baekhyun quickly turns off his computer, fuck that game and fuck his teammates, he answers the call in no time.

"Hi?" He rolls around in his chair, his computer did not enjoy being turned off like that, and he's not sure why he even did it. Maybe just to get away from the insults from his teammates. Even though he wasn't even a cause for their failures! He was the best one there, like always.

_ "I tried calling you like two times already, what took you so long?" _ Chanyeol says on the other end of the line, his tone is more worried than annoyed. Baekhyun awaits the day Chanyeol will actually be angry. He's too kind-hearted to be mad, or at least to show it.

"Sorry, I was… On my computer…"

_ "You're not anymore?" _

"Nope. I turned it off."

Chanyeol stays quiet for a while.  _ "You didn't just… Pause the game?" _

"It's League of Legends, you can't pause it."

He can hear Chanyeol take in a deep breath.  _ "Why'd you do that for me? I don't even have anything particular on my mind, I just wanted to talk." _

Baekhyun leans on his chair and sighs. "You're more important to me than any game. Plus, if it's no big deal, then why did you try calling me three times at eleven?" On a school night. He can practically hear Chanyeol blushing and that makes him smile. Oh, how he loves to fluster Chanyeol.

_ "Uh… Because you always pick up, so I got worried…" _

Baekhyun laughs. Every summer he disappears for weeks, not saying a word to his "friends", yet they don't even notice. He doesn't pick up his phone for five minutes and Chanyeol is worried about him. His insides feel warm. "You're so adorable. But really, what's on your mind? Do you want me to come over?" He goes to lay on his bed. He's not actually ever been to Chanyeol's. Not inside the house anyway.

_ "Nothing, really, I'm okay right now, I just… Wanted to hear your voice." _

"You can't see this but I'm smiling right now."

_ "Do you ever not smile?" _

"I just can't help it when I'm with you." He rolls over his side and he feels like a school girl listening to his crush. Only it's not just his crush. They like each other, that's well established by now.

_ "Can I ask you something, Baek?" _

"Anything, Channie."

_ "What are your dreams?" _

Baekhyun's smile drops. Dreams. He hasn't given them much thought… Ever since his mother left, his only dream has been to help her, to make her feel better. Now he dreams that Chanyeol will feel better. But he's lost most of his dreams… He doesn't dream of the same things everyone his age seems to be dreaming of. He doesn't really care about what happens in the future… That's why he's doomed to work as a janitor or maybe follow his dad's footsteps and become a plumber.

_ "Baek? Are you still there?" _

"Ah, yeah… You go first."

_ "Okay, I dream of… Becoming a composer. I wanna make music that touches people… And uhh… I want to live. That's my number one dream." _

"But… You are living..."

_ "Yeah, but I mean I want to do so much more. I want to actually  _ **_live_ ** _ and not just… survive." _

Baekhyun hums. "Yeah, I get that. And I believe in you. Both of those dreams. You're already the most talented person I know so I know you will succeed."

_ "Thanks, I'm not sure you even realize what kind of a positive influence you have on my life." _

"I'm glad." He smiles as he stares at the wall in thought. Speaking on the phone has really forced him to have conversations more verbal, usually he would just nod and smile, but you can't do that over the phone.

_ "So, what about you?" _

"Hmm… I don't really know. I don't dream big like you do…"

_ "Don't you have something you would die for to achieve?" _

"Not really. I'm not really capable of anything. I'm academically a failure, all I do is game all day and… That's not really… A career."

_ "Dreams aren't just careers. You can dream of hobbies too. And if I ever become a composer, I need you to be my singer."  _ They chuckle at that. Making it as a singer in a country that has founded its worth on the entertainment industry, they both know it's a very long shot. But it's the journey, not the destination, right?

Baekhyun smiles. Really smiles. "Sure, we should make a whole band."

_"Deal!"_ He laughs lightly, turning on his other side again. He hears Chanyeol shift again, too.

"But in all seriousness… I just… Want stability, I guess…"

_ "In what sense?" _

"My family. I want my mom and Baekbeom back, and I want everything to be the way it was. I want my mom to be okay."

_ "...That's sweet. How much you care about your family. I also wish for many things… Like… This sounds lame but I really wish my sister would come back and I really wish my parents were more attentive to me." _

"That's not lame. We are just both very… family-oriented..."

_ "Or both of our families are just broken." _

Baekhyun opens his mouth and tries to say something, but he can't. "Wh-what you mean?"

_ "Baek… You say you haven't seen your mother or brother in years, and as much as I envy your relationship with your father… I… I'm sorry, I don't know. That just says something." _

Baekhyun takes another sip of air. Chanyeol is right. He's been living in a dream, denying the truth, all the red flags. His father doesn't even let him speak her name under this roof… "What do you think it says?"

_ "I-I… Sorry, I don't know. I shouldn't have said that." _

"No, I'm glad you did. You're right. I just love to think that everything's alright when it's not… Which brings me to my dream. Now I know what my dream is."

_ "Well?" _

"My dream… Is that you get better."

Chanyeol stays quiet, and he can't but wonder if that was offensive somehow. Should he not have said that? He didn't think about this stuff before Chanyeol got in the picture.

_ "What if I… don't?" _

"You will. I know you will. But no matter if you do or not… I have an even bigger dream than that… And that is…" He closes his eyes. Why is he suddenly nervous again? "I wanna call you my boyfriend."

_ "You want me to be your boyfriend?" _

"I do. More than anything." Maybe this isn't something he should be doing over the phone, they both got so much going on right now with the play and all, but it's Chanyeol's fault for asking. "There's no one in this world I would turn off my computer for, no one but you."

_ "I… I'll call you back." _

Baekhyun is about to say something, but Chanyeol has already hung up the phone. It feels like his heart is being torn out of his chest, like he reached down his throat and pulled it right out. Was that a no? A maybe?

He keeps staring at his phone's dark screen in shock, only to see his own reflection. What is he supposed to do? Wait as he told him to?? Chanyeol is sometimes so difficult to read. On his good days, he's adorable, somehow nervous but he's become way more open, thanks to therapy and him, he likes to believe. But on his bad days… It's like he's a whole different person, vanishing into thin air.

Maybe it was too soon, too much, too fast. 

He sits up and pulls on his hair as the door to his room is opened without a knock, he doesn't even turn to see that it's his father. Who else would it be at 11 in the night?

"Baekhyun, you should go to sleep." It is his father. But Baekhyun's brows are furrowed and he can't stop staring at his phone. He shouldn't react like this, but God damn it hurts. His mind is running laps, his heart is beating and it feels like he can't breathe. What was he even thinking? What did he think he would say back to him? These things are supposed to be done face to face. "Baekhyun?"

Baekhyun shakes away all the thoughts. "Okay, okay, I'm going." He does have school tomorrow, but it's not like that's ever been an issue. His father nods and is about to leave. "Wait, dad…" He turns around with that same expression on his face. "Can I ask you something?"

"You're going to ask anyway."

"If you ask someone something important, and they… don't respond, what should you do?"

His father looks at him and sighs. "You wait. Until they do respond."

"I was afraid of that…" He bites his lower lip and looks down. His father walks into the room, closer to Baekhyun.

"What happened?"

Baekhyun contemplates whether or not to tell his father. It's not like he's shy about these things. But he and his father don't talk much about anything, ever. He turns to his father now with the expression that should repel him. "Do you really even care?"

He stays silent for a while. Thought so. It doesn't make a difference if he said anything or not. But then he nods, causing Baekhyun to almost gasp as he is so shocked. "That's why I asked. You're my son, the most important thing in my life."

_ Quit playing, Dad,  _ Baekhyun thinks. If he cared, then why did he let his family fall apart? He shakes away those thoughts and thinks about Chanyeol. Chanyeol who made him realize this… "I told someone I'd like to be their boyfriend. They hung up."

The father raises his eyebrows and Baekhyun feels naked. He should've kept his mouth shut, huh.

"Who on Earth? You haven't brought any girls home, ever, or anyone else for that matter. You're also never… anywhere but home."

He keeps staring at his father. "If you really want to know… I do have feelings for someone. And I see them at school and after school…" He doesn't tell his dad that he's also brought Chanyeol home when he is at work. "And uh… He's not a girl."

The father's mouth hangs open for a second. "Oh… And he hung up?"

"He told me he'll call me later."

"Are you sure he… That he's…"

"That he's into me? Yeah. He's said it."

The father looks uncomfortable. "Well, then you can only wait. You can't pressure him."

Baekhyun sighs and turns to face the wall. Well, now his father knows. That was painfully awkward. But at least it's out there now. "Okay, thanks, now good night." He pulls the blanket over him and he's ready to sleep. Screw brushing teeth or changing clothes. Why didn't Chanyeol just agree? Say yes? What is so complicated about this?

"Baekhyun, I'm sure he will say yes, don't worry too much, okay?"

Baekhyun hums as a sign of comprehension, but he's not letting any words leave his lips. He already said good night. Talking to his father about it did not help at all, but at least now there's one thing less to worry about.

He quickly texts Chanyeol "good night" with a heart emoji, to make it seem like he's completely okay, unbothered… which he is not, but he can't put any stress on Chanyeol. He asked, he will have to deal with the consequences.

He just wishes Chanyeol would text him back.

*

Baekhyun keeps his head low on the hallways. Chanyeol isn't in school. He really threw him off with that question, didn't he? Should he apologize, or..?

He doesn't smile at the people walking past him. He doesn't feel like doing anything, as if he was trying to waddle in water that's up to his knees when walking anywhere.

But he makes his way into the auditorium where the choir has already assembled. It's a good choir, they make Baekhyun smile. But then he sees that Jongdae is already working with them and his smile turns upside down. Jongdae makes his teeth grind together. All he wants to do is slap him and yell in his face. 

And quite frankly, Jongdae looks like he wants to do the same. 

"Where have you been? We started like 10 minutes ago!"

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. Wow. Ten minutes. "Shut the fuck up, Jongdae. All you do is complain." Jongdae looks at him under his brows. This must be the first time he's talking back...

He glances at the choir kids and they keep looking at the two like they had murdered someone right before their eyes. Baekhyun almost wants to tell them to piss off, this doesn't concern them. But he can't be mean to them, he has no reason to.

"Guys, take a five," Jongdae tells the group and he drags Baekhyun farther away from them, pulling him forcefully backstage.

"What?" Baekhyun grunts. Is he being rude? Yes. Does he have a reason to be? Absolutely yes.

His best friend for years went on spreading a rumour about him, throwing him under the bus since he was too big of a coward to take the blame for something most don't even care about. Something no one would have even found out about. And it's not the bus that bothers Baekhyun, it's the fact that he threw him there.

"I'm so sorry, Baekhyun, I-"

Baekhyun raises his eyebrows up to his hairline as he tries to fathom those two particular words he said.  _ I'm _ and  _ sorry _ . He didn't think Jongdae was able to mutter these words out of his mouth.

"For what?" His words are harsh, not carefully polished as opposed to his usual soft tone.

"I'm sorry we did what we did, but-" Jongdae looks actually kind of lost as he keeps searching the ground with his eyes, holding tighter onto his wrist. 

"I don't care. Jongdae, I don't care if people think I'm gay. It's none of their business and sure I like guys, that was never a secret. I just wish you weren't so closeted as to betray me after all the years we've been friends." He couldn't care less about people knowing he likes guys. They're going to find out eventually, when Chanyeol is his boyfriend. He won't be subtle with it. But the fact that Jongdae and Minseok did this, and for what.

"I'm sorry Baek! It's not me, I never wanted to betray you, it just..."

"It was Minseok. You're so obsessed with him but he's a jock, no one can know he sucks dick. Don't you get it, Jongdae? You have no place in his life except to satisfy his needs. Are you really fine with that?"

"You're wrong, Baekhyun. I mean something to him." Jongdae lets go of his wrist and furrows his brows.

Baekhyun is not done talking. He opened the gates of hell, there's no stopping him. "If you did, he wouldn't try to hide it so much."

"But it's his future career at stake! You would never understand."

He starts flailing his arms around. "Because I have no future? Because I have no dreams? Because I'm so fucking stupid that I just can never understand?" The atmosphere is thick.

"Because you don't know what it's like to be an outsider," Jongdae says with a voice so chilling and calm as he sits down on a step. Baekhyun stares at him but doesn't say anything. "Anywhere you go, people love you. You're funny, energetic, empathetic. You don't know what it's like staying in your shadow, being constantly ignored. And it seems that no matter what you do, everyone will just forgive you. That's not the case for me. I make one mistake and I get ridiculed because of it for ages. It's the same for Minseok, he's under so much pressure, if he stopped acting a certain way he'd be bullied out of the soccer team and it would be over for him."

Baekhyun opens his mouth, but he can't say anything. He tries to cough the words out, somehow succeeding. "So you kept on making fun of me because you're jealous?"

"Wasn't it obvious?"

Baekhyun looks at him in the eyes. It does make sense, now what he thinks about it. Jongdae is constantly comparing himself to others, while Baekhyun really doesn't care all that much. "Then why didn't you say anything? You were my best friend for years. You know how much you hurt me?"

"Because, I don't know… It was hard. And I'm sorry..."

He sits down next to Jongdae and they sit in silence for a while. "Do you know why I'm not an outsider even though I'm weird? Because I'm myself and I don't care what they think. Do you really not believe that the real you is perfect enough to be accepted? Because trust me, if I can be, you sure as hell can."

Jongdae smiles and shakes his head. "This is why people like you."

"It's not like I have it easy, either. I'm just an emotional punching bag for most people."

"Is that why you're so close with Chanyeol?"

Baekhyun blinks a few times upon hearing that familiar name. "What do you mean?"

"You're always like this. You get attached to people who are so broken. That's your self-destructive behaviour. You lose a bit of yourself every time you fix someone else."

He's at a loss for words as the big revelation was bestowed upon him. Why is Jongdae so good at this? Reading him like an open book, even though he's often wrong?

"I just don't understand why you feel that it's your responsibility to fix them, or why you always get the closest to the most depressed, anxious and dead inside people. It's not good for you, Baekhyun. You deserve friends in your life that also lift you up."

He gets up and blinks a few times. He does. And Chanyeol has been lifting him up like no one else. But it's also eating him up inside, how he can't fix Chanyeol. "I can't just ditch someone who's in need of a friend…"

"Of course not… But it's not your job to make them feel better. You're doing just fine being their friend, you don't have to lose yourself picking up someone else's pieces."

"You've been an awful friend to me, Jongdae. I don't think you have the right to tell me what I should do."

"I know, I'm sorry. You just deserve so much better… You're allowed to help, but know your limits…"

Baekhyun furrows his brows. No. He likes Chanyeol. A lot. Too much. He doesn't mind that Chanyeol has some issues. He wants to be there for Chanyeol all the time, whenever he needs him.

But maybe he's not strong enough to fix him.

"All I'm saying is that you can help someone carry their baggage, but not when your own baggage is so heavy you'll break your back. And you can help, but you can't take it all on your own shoulders."

He takes in a deep breath, he's not strong enough to face his former best friend. He wants to scream, yell at him that he's wrong, there's nothing some sweets couldn't cure. There's no one he can't help get better. A good friend is all someone needs, right?

But he's been a great friend to Chanyeol. Why is he still feeling terrible? It also doesn't explain why his mother hasn't been home in two years, after all the love he showed her as a child. He was always there for her. A real mama's boy. But then he only grew more independent as he grew older, and that's when things started to get worse. Was his love not enough anymore?

Maybe he is trying to fix people out of guilt, maybe he gets attached to the broken ones because it's what he's used to. He feels at home with people who are broken.

"I forgive you, Jongdae. Now let's go back to the choir, we have work to do…" he only says, not agreeing nor denying what he said.

"Okay… Thank you. They probably waited for a bit longer than five minutes but I guess it was worth it." He starts walking to the stage where the choir should be, leaving Baekhyun behind.

Baekhyun is still deep in thought as he checks his phone. Nothing. Not a single message from Chanyeol. He frowns and puts his phone in his pocket before continuing to the practice.

He's faced with two options.

Wait or reach out to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was watching a kdrama the whole weekend so I forgot to update,,,, I hope you're all doing well! <3 Have a blessed week!   
> On a sidenote,,, Yay Minseok was finally discHARGED <333 it's been so long <3<3<3<3<3  
> and omg Jongin's album is really amazing I've played it on repeat for a week aaaaaaaaah I hope everyone is supporting him even if silently <3 he deserves everything <3<3
> 
> I actually like this chapter, it was very therapeutic to write o_o


	8. caramel

Baekhyun is sitting in class, alone again. It's already Thursday, and he hasn't heard a single thing from Chanyeol, he's not been to school nor is he replying to Baekhyun's messages. But as he's come to notice, he does that sometimes. Usually it's no more than a day or two.

His stomach feels like it's thrown upside down from worry.

He's tried giving him space, but he has a feeling that that won't do anymore. So he resorts back to staring at the ceiling in agony, helpless since he can't do anything to make it better. To make himself feel less worried, to make sure Chanyeol is okay.

He bites his lip in thought and he's tapping his fingers on his desk. Sitting here at school is a waste of time when his mind is occupied, every cell in his body only cares or thinks about Chanyeol right now.

He sees Sehun walk into the classroom and without even thinking, he immediately goes up to the younger one, startling him so bad he jumps up a little.

Quite frankly, he doesn't care about Sehun right now. But Sehun is Chanyeol's supposed best friend, he of all people should know how he's doing.

He stares at the tall boy and almost forgets how to speak for some reason. He has to consciously form a sentence in his brain, otherwise, he might just end up saying Chanyeol Chanyeol Chanyeol.

"Everything alright? You don't look like yourself," Sehun notes, squinting his eyes. Maybe Baekhyun isn't being himself. Maybe it's because he's so sick with worry, and no one has ever seen him care about something so deeply. Care about  _ Someone _ so much.

"Have you seen Chanyeol? Or heard anything from him?"

Sehun shakes his head with a shrug. That makes Baekhyun's insides twist even more. "No, but you know, he does this. March is the worst time for him for some reason… He'll come around."

Baekhyun just blinks in his direction before completely bursting. "What if he doesn't?!" He won't go through that again. Why do people take Chanyeol for granted? What if one day he won't come around anymore?

"He always does…"

Baekhyun shakes his head and walks away from Sehun, out of the classroom without another thought or word. Sehun is left hanging there, but he doesn't care. He marches straight out of the school building. No matter what kind of punishments await, he doesn't care. Let them come.

For now he only cares about one thing and one thing only.

Chanyeol.

*

As Baekhyun is knocking on Chanyeol's door, many things run through his mind. The worst-case scenarios, the best possible scenarios. But he doesn't really know which of these thoughts to grasp onto.

His heart is beating too fast, and it feels like he's going to die, he can't breathe. Before the door opens and a momentary relief bestows upon him. But he doesn't recognize this face. He looks like an older man, he has a grey mustache and his eyes look sad, sympathetic, even.

"Hi, is Chanyeol home?"

"I'm sorry, you are?" The man squints his eyes at him, holding the door in his way.

"I'm Baekhyun, his friend."

"It's quite unusual that he's having guests… Did he invite you?"

"No, but he hasn't replied to me and I'm worried. Can I see him?" Why is this so official? This guy must be Chanyeol's housekeeper. He looks like he could be one, and do Chanyeol's parents even come home, ever?

The housekeeper looks away as he seems to be in thought. "I am not allowed to let you in. But I will because Chanyeol hasn't left his room in three days, he won't even eat. Maybe you could help."

His heart starts beating faster when he hears those words. "I don't know how much I can, but I still wanna talk to him."

The older man finally lets him in and leads him to Chanyeol's room. Baekhyun could be taking in the view, the huge lobby and the fancy stairs up. There must be so many rooms in this house you could camp in here without the family ever even noticing. But Baekhyun's mind is too occupied, too occupied with Chanyeol that he can't even marvel at the luxury of this place. At least no more than little observations.

The housekeeper nods to him as a sign of approval, that he can go in now. And he does, closing the door behind him.

The first thing he notices is that the lights are off, but there's a screen next to the bed brightly lighting the spacious room. Baekhyun assumes that it's a laptop on a chair next to Chanyeol's bed.

On the bed is a lump under a blanket. The blanket has completely devoured the person underneath it, but it feels like a heavy rock rolled off his heart.

The blanket burrito sniffles every now and then. It seems like he's crying. Baekhyun smiles sympathetically, relieved to hear Chanyeol's cute little sounds again. But he can't be happy for long.

Not really sure what he should say, he sits on the bed, behind his back. On the screen is a Netflix show running, some show Baekhyun doesn't recognize.

"Hi, Channie," he starts as he lands his hand on Chanyeol's side. "What's wrong?"

Chanyeol buries himself deeper under the blanket and Baekhyun can barely see his hair peeking under it. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check up on you. You made me worried sick." His voice is sweet and silent, it's like he didn't know any other way to talk right now.

Chanyeol only sniffles louder but doesn't say anything.

Desperate to get an explanation, something out of Chanyeol, he continues. "Did something happen?" Most likely the answer is no, at least not one specific reason he's feeling like this. But he could be wrong. Some things might trigger these feelings.

Chanyeol finally sits up, still wrapped up in the blanket as he turns to face Baekhyun. He looks tired, he looks like a mess, there's no denying that. And it feels like a small knife was twisting in Baekhyun's heart as he holds eye contact with him for a short second before the taller one buries his face in his knees, mumbling something barely coherent. "I don't want you to see me like this."

Baekhyun is not sure what to say now. There are no words to elevate Chanyeol's mood, and there are no magic beans, not even candy could cheer him up right now.

Maybe sweet sugary honey is not the cure for anything mental. If it had worked in the first place, Chanyeol wouldn't be in this state right now. Spending three days in his bed...

He shifts closer to the giant and wraps his arms around him, resting his cheek on Chanyeol's shoulder. "I won't judge."

The sobs only get louder as his whole body quivers under the blanket, in his arms. Baekhyun shuts his eyes and feels the shivers and the hiccups vibrating from Chanyeol's body, listening to the cries. Every little movement and sound is eating him up inside.

"I'm a mess, Baek."

"How?"

"You're right there but it feels like I'm somewhere else. Nothing feels real. I fucking hate it, I hate it so much…" The words coming out of Chanyeol's mouth feel so real and authentic as the bitter tone mixes with the tears. "I just want to tear my skin off, I feel so fucking terrible all the time, laying in bed doesn't help, getting up doesn't help. Nothing helps, I'm hopeless."

Baekhyun shuts his eyes tighter as he pulls Chanyeol closer to him, if possible. He can't even imagine how someone can feel so out of place, so horrible in their own skin. To him, Chanyeol is right there. You could never tell just by looking at Chanyeol what he is going through. To him, Chanyeol is a breathing, living, human being in his arms, that one human being who he likes more than anything. Chanyeol is the one who has the best smile, the cutest laughter, he's the one who is so passionate and competitive in everything, the one who always tries his best.

The strongest person he knows.

No one is like him.

And he's right there, Baekhyun feels everything that he is.

He feels the tears burning in the back of his eyes. He really wishes there was a way to carry all of Chanyeol's sadness and dump it in the trash. If he could just make him happy… He runs his hand up and down Chanyeol's back in a soothing way as he breaks down in tears too. He tries to be silent while letting the tears slide down his cheeks, he doesn't want to upset Chanyeol even more. He swallows the lump in his throat and after a few steadying breaths, he manages to say something. "I really… Wish you didn't have to go through this."

"I'm so selfish, why are you still there? Why would you want to help me anymore, when I am beyond repair? You deserve someone who also lifts you up… I'm just always bringing down the both of us." His voice is shaky and that makes Baekhyun feel even worse.

Baekhyun takes in a shaky breath as Chanyeol leans down on the bed again, taking Baekhyun down with him. But Baekhyun wouldn't let go no matter where Chanyeol was going. Right now he can only think of holding him in place, hugging him tighter and tighter with every breath he takes. If hugging him tight enough would choke out the depression in him. The black dog he carries around. But it doesn't work like that.

"There's no illness that would make me care about you any less. Would I stop liking you if you broke your leg?"

"But this isn't a broken leg. Those things heal… What if I don't?"

Baekhyun leans on the mattress so he can look at Chanyeol. He looks like a cradled baby in the blanket he's wearing, and even though Baekhyun still feels tears gushing down his cheeks and Chanyeol is still crying as well, it brings a smile on his face. He really is the cutest being he's ever seen.

"Even if you were paralyzed from the neck under, I wouldn't leave you," he says as he stares into the younger one's eyes. "We'll get through this. Okay? You're the strongest person I know. One day you're going to truly be able to live like you said, and I'll be with you in every step of the way."

Chanyeol's eyes are glimmering with hope, but then he shuts it out, making Baekhyun's smile drop as well. "No, no, no... I'm way too hopeless. It's like… I know you're there and I know you won't leave me, but at the same time, I just don't… Feel it. I don't feel anything. I'm surrounded by the beauty of this world, but it's only me that's covered in grey. Like I wasn't a part of it. And it's not fair."

"...Sounds like a beautiful song lyric." Baekhyun falls back down next to Chanyeol. "You're really good at wording what you feel, you know? Not many can do that." He's not strong enough to carry all of Chanyeol's worries and feelings and that frustrates him. Even if he's not strong enough to do so, it doesn't mean he won't support and help Chanyeol to the best of his abilities. He just has to know how much he can help before he loses all ability to be there for him.

Because it's not easy. It's hard for Chanyeol, and it's hard for Baekhyun, too. He takes in all of Chanyeol's feelings like a sponge. And he worries so much he can't eat or sleep. The fact that he knows that there isn't much he can do to make things better just makes him want to smash his fist through a wall. Because if he can't, then who can? And what purpose does he have if he can't even make the person he loves feel loved?

"What happened to your therapist?" Maybe he really should leave it up to the professionals. After all, he's not supposed to be his therapist, but his friend.

"He said he sees no point in me going there anymore, I sound 'fine' apparently."

Baekhyun's face twitches. "What the fuck?! If you were fine, you wouldn't be bawling your eyes out feeling like shit! Who the hell does he think he is?" He can't help but raise his voice in frustration.

Chanyeol seems shocked. He doesn't say a word. But Baekhyun isn't done talking.

"People like him are the reason most are too afraid to seek help. Nobody wants to hear that their issues aren't real, what the hell? They're real to you, isn't that enough?" Chanyeol stares at him with raised eyebrows, so he tries to be a little softer when asking: "Will you get a new one?"

"I don't know… What if I'm just making things up because I'm just telling myself I feel a certain way when in reality I feel something different? I don't know what I feel. Everything's a mess."

"You're not making it up. There will be someone who can help you. Please just get another one… Please?" He looks at him with hopeful eyes, hugging him from the side. He almost whispers the three words, the magic words that are starting to feel more real, and the more he thinks about it the more he wants to cry. He's already regretting his demanding tone, he knows that's the last thing Chanyeol needs right now. 

Chanyeol stares at the ceiling and he nods reluctantly. Baekhyun resorts back to hugging Chanyeol with a wide smile as he doesn't even feel the tears anymore, and it feels nice. It is very warm. He takes in the pace in which Chanyeol is breathing, feeling his chest rise and fall as they silently lay in each others' arms.

Chanyeol slowly uncovers himself from the blanket, uncovering just enough to wrap his arms around Baekhyun, too. Baekhyun's heart skips a beat. He buries his face in his neck and the closeness, the touch, is all enough to make Baekhyun feel more comforted, hoping that it has the same effect on Chanyeol.

"Why are you so empathetic? Of all the people I've talked to, I feel the most connected to you. It's like you understand me even when I don't say a word. I really do care about you, I'm really sorry I make you go through this with me..." The way he muffles words softly in his neck sends shivers down his spine.

"Don't be… I care about you and I would do anything to make you feel better." He really would. He tangles his legs with Chanyeol's to guarantee the ultimate closeness.

"But don't! I mean… You're already doing so much," Chanyeol sniffles and hugs him even tighter. Baekhyun feels his arm fall asleep under him but that's fine. "And I feel really guilty for practically abandoning you for three days. I'm really glad you came to visit."

"I'm just glad you're okay. I was so worried, next time you plan on ignoring me, please let me know at least."

Chanyeol nods into the hug. Maybe he will, maybe he won't, not yet probably, but every day they grow closer and build trust.

But Baekhyun has great responsibility, as someone who helps Chanyeol up, can his own mood swings be crucial for Chanyeol. He has to be honest now, because if he bottles his feelings, he might end up bursting and causing such damage to Chanyeol's soft big heart. He doesn't want to be the cause for Chanyeol's low mood. But he also shouldn't compromise his own well-being for Chanyeol.

But it's easier said than done. He is only human, after all. He can't lose himself while trying to be there for Chanyeol, he can't lie because Chanyeol will pick up on that, but he also can't be truly honest because the truth hurts sometimes. Chanyeol is just a very sensitive human being, but that is also one of the things he adores about him.

Baekhyun hugs him tighter. For everything feels better now, as they hug each other in silence. He's never done this with anyone.

It feels like there is some unresolved business in the air. But with an illness this severe, he shouldn't expect one crying session to make everything right. Chanyeol isn't crying anymore, isn't that enough for now? Or is he hiding his own true emotions right now? His own feelings of misery, that he is too afraid to show to Chanyeol. Maybe one day he will tell him all about his smaller struggles, what bugs him the most. But not now. They've cried enough for today.

"Should we go eat something?"

Chanyeol frowns and lets out a sigh. "Can't you just give me a few toffees and we'll go with that? You said candy can fix anything."

Baekhyun shakes his head. "It doesn't cure obesity, it doesn't cure depression. It's only sugar, not a solution." He sits up and feels his hand regain senses.

"Sometimes you really shock me. I didn't know you had it in you to get angry, nor did I think you would ever say that sugar isn't a solution. Who are you?" Chanyeol says in a rather joking manner as he starts grinning widely.

"I'm a changed man," Baekhyun replies with a smile. Despite their joking manner, Baekhyun believes it to be true. Just a few weeks ago his worldview was so black and white. To him, things were either this or that. But spending time with Chanyeol has really changed him, for the better mostly. Because he's come to accept that some things are out of his ability to change. Sometimes he has to trust someone else to do the job.

Chanyeol sits up and despite his low mood earlier, he seems to be smiling now and his eyes glisten with that same excitement as they did the first time they formally met in the music room. He knows Chanyeol didn't have it easy back then, but at least he's not in a worse state of mind than that. You can only go upwards from here.

The mind is a tricky thing.

The younger one, who Baekhyun can't take his eyes off of, grabs the latter's head between his palms, squishing his cheeks so that his lips purse out like a duck's. Baekhyun would smile if he could, seeing the way Chanyeol stares at him.

It's almost as if losing himself was worth it if this was the outcome. But no, Chanyeol doesn't want that for him. He wants him to be himself and happy, too.

"You're the best person in the world, you know that? You always somehow manage to make me feel better, even if it's temporary."

He would reply something along the lines,  _ no, I'm not, but if I am the best one for you then that makes me the happiest man alive. _ But he can't even open his mouth to say a coherent reply.

Chanyeol bites his lower lip and it looks like he's thinking about something. Thinking of doing something. He stops squishing his cheeks together and leans down to press a gentle, short kiss on his lips. Baekhyun feels as if his insides were on fire as those soft lips touch his. His face heats up and his hands start to feel a bit clammy. This is only their second kiss. And he never expected Chanyeol to take initiative. As if that kiss wiped away all those unresolved feelings in the air, wiped out all the tears from just now.

They part and look at each other in the eyes. And they start smiling, both of them.

"Why?" He finally asks.

"I might feel like shit but you must've felt even more horrible because of where I left you hanging. I didn't mean to be a bitch but-"

"But I get it. You don't have to be sorry."

"I do. My mental illness isn't an excuse to be an ass. You might have to endure with me being an ass sometimes because of my emotions, but by the end of my episodes, I'll have to realize that my actions also have consequences. And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Just say if I ever do."

Baekhyun looks down. He was kind of hurt. But more than anything, he was worried. "I guess we will both have to be understanding. And I really do understand. You don't have to answer my question. Or whatever it is that I told you that night. We can take things slow…"

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

"I'm sorry if I triggered this episode with that question."

Chanyeol shakes his head rapidly. "Not your fault."

Baekhyun takes Chanyeol's hand in his and squeezes it lightly before pulling him up from his spot, on his feet abruptly. Chanyeol is rather shocked by this sudden move but follows obediently. Even Baekhyun feels his head go empty and his vision darkens from the sudden move, but he's content on making Chanyeol eat something.

"Now we will eat."

"But what?"

"Depends on what you have in your fridge."

He opens the door to the hallway to see the butler right behind the door, looking a bit lost as he avoids eye contact.

Chanyeol squints his eyes at his butler and smiles lightly. "Sangchul, you weren't eavesdropping were you?"

"Of course not, my Lord."

Chanyeol squints even harder. "You never call me lord unless you've done something you shouldn't have."

He looks down and tries not to grin. But with no regard to their social status, he just hugs the tall but young boy he works for. Baekhyun feels his heart flutter at the sight as the tinier man squeezes Chanyeol and presses his head under his chin and coos.

"I'm so glad to see you up, Chanyeollie!"

Chanyeol just pats his back softly and looks at Baekhyun with a confused look.

Baekhyun couldn't agree more. He knows that this doesn't mean Chanyeol has been healed, this doesn't mean that he's recovered from his relapse either. But he's up. And that's all that matters right now.

"I'm just gonna make something for him, where's the kitchen?" He still hasn't let go of Chanyeol's hand. He's being showered with affection right now.

The butler sniffles and lets go of the boy before he starts leading them there.

"A-are you sure? You know how to make something other than toast?"

Baekhyun stops in his tracks. "What's wrong with toast? I make the best toast in the world!"

Chanyeol agrees to be fed toast. He doesn't seem too enthused about it, but Baekhyun will make him change his mind. The walk downstairs and this time he does pay a little bit more attention to detail. The walls are white and creamy, covered in big paintings that look like they're straight from an art gallery.

"Are you two here all alone?" Baekhyun asks as he looks around. The ceiling looks kind of high. The windows are really big in the living room area that's just next to the kitchen.

"Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Park are out of town right now."

Chanyeol waves him off. "They're never actually in town during this time of the year… Or any time of the year..."

Baekhyun nods slowly, sympathizing with him. He knows what it's like not having a parent around. But at the same time, he doesn't know what it's like to be completely neglected by them. He can imagine that it sucks, though.

Sangchul, the butler, leaves them alone into the kitchen after offering to make food for them, many times, but Baekhyun insisted on making it himself. He works in a coffee shop, after all. He knows how to whip up a sandwich.

He looks through the fridge and the cabinets as Chanyeol only sits down on the stool and watches him for a while. Because Baekhyun told him he doesn't need any help. It doesn't take long for him to almost get lost in the drawers, looking for nothing but a knife.

"You know, it's okay to ask for help if you need it."

"Who taught you that?"

"You did."

He has no recollection of that. But it does sound like something he would say. "Yeah, I say a lot of crap, don't listen to me."

"Of all the shit you say, that was probably the most useful one," Chanyeol exclaims as he opens another drawer to show the knives. Baekhyun takes one and finally agrees. Yeah, maybe it was good advice for once.

He starts buttering the toasted pieces of bread all the while goofing around with the younger one. At some point, he takes two chopsticks in his mouth to make it seem like he had long teeth. Chanyeol cracks up at that stupid appearance that was unrelated to anything. Chanyeol's laughter is like music to his ears.

After dumping all the great ingredients on the pieces of bread and closing the toast with another piece, they sit around the table to eat.

Chanyeol takes a bite of his toast and his eyes widen. "You're right, walrus, you do make the best toast."

Baekhyun takes a bite as well, he hasn't eaten anything today and he was already starving. Maybe it's his hunger, but nothing has ever tasted this good. "I think it tastes like this because you helped," he says with his mouth almost full, barely making any sense.

Chanyeol just stares at him and they smile at each other. 

He could wait a hundred years for Chanyeol. He can go as slow as he needs to. As long as he gets to spend time with him right here right now as they do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my sweet babies ;__;; <3
> 
> ooo but heyy,,, merry Christmas! I'll try to update after Christmas so !!! have a super merry Christmas, stay safe, be happy and healthy and be with your loved ones <33 I genuinely hope you are well <3


	9. marshmallow

Baekhyun wipes the counter with a huge grin on his face. He's just about to lock up the coffee shop. He didn't work for long since tonight was the big show they had been preparing for the whole semester.

Everything went smoothly, they did the best they could… And Baekhyun couldn't help staring at Chanyeol, the latter was so nervous but so… Excited and full of life. Sometimes the things that scare you the most are just what you need to feel more alive. That was definitely the case for Chanyeol.

Even though the play was just a couple of hours ago, he doesn't remember much. The choir was behind the curtains with them, no one even saw who made the atmosphere, not until the end when they stepped in front to bow. But it wasn't that bad, they got to do their music in peace and it was less nerve-wracking making faces at the giant when there wasn't an audience to see. Chanyeol sure had to control his laughter, and it was clearly hard for him. They nearly messed up the show because of Baekhyun. But it was fun for them that way.

His movements become slower as he reminisces those moments again. If someone saw him right now, they would think he's a lunatic since he's smiling to himself and giggling even. All by himself.

When he's finally done, he turns off the lights and locks the door on his way out. He did hurry a lot, but he tried to do well despite that.

After the play, there was a huge after-party, everyone was invited, but Baekhyun didn't really feel like going. Besides, he had work to do. The only thing he's looking forward to right now is spending some time with Chanyeol, celebrating the hard work that even got them to where they are now.

Now he's off to meet the said boy, him and his friends at Sehun's place, where they held a smaller party for just them, no outsiders. He drives away from the lot, all up in his thoughts. Driving while in your own thoughts can be quite dangerous, but then again so is being Byun Baekhyun behind a wheel. You can't win if you're Byun Baekhyun.

Debatable, he did win in life now that he's happy with Chanyeol.

It doesn't take him long before he's parked his car in Sehun's driveway and stepping out into the chilly dark air. It's pretty late, and their little party has started long before he arrived. Before he can take more than a couple of steps towards the door, it opens and a familiar figure runs to him without shoes on.

He sees Chanyeol jogging towards him, clumsy with his long legs trying not to step on rocks on his way. When in front of Baekhyun, he straightens himself up shortly, staring into the shorter one's eyes. Baekhyun can't help but smile at the adorable resemblance to a puppy. His eyes are glistening and his cheeks are flushed. So adorable.

"Hi!" Chanyeol says with his voice abnormally high-pitched. Before he can say anything, he leans down to peck him on the lips. Baekhyun can't help but smile. No one has ever been this eager to see him.

"Have you been drinking?"

Chanyeol shakes his head as he grabs Baekhyun's hand and starts leading him inside into the comforting warmth. 

"I'd call you whipped if I didn't know any better," Baekhyun snorts and earns a pinch on his cheek for that. Like a puppy greeting his owner, this is what the situation reminds him of.

Baekhyun has never been inside Sehun's house. It's… small, but very cozy. Reminds him of his own home. He looks around as he takes off his shoes, still holding hands with Chanyeol. He looks stunning, as always.

They enter the living room, and Baekhyun can't help but notice how many flowers there are, live, and in prints. Sure reminds him of that flower shop Sehun's mother owns. The curtains especially. It also smells very nice and fresh. That natural lavender scent.

He sees Kyungsoo, Jongin, Sehun, and Junmyeon in the living room, sitting together, coupled up. Oh, watching them must've made Chanyeol feel like the third wheel to both couples.

They turn to him and greet him, he greets them back before sitting on the empty couch, Chanyeol practically glued to him. There are snacks on the coffee table, chips, candy, cookies… Baekhyun stares at them but for the longest time since ever, he feels too pressured to reach for any. It feels like all of them are staring at him, and he doesn't know why. Like there was an elephant in the room.

"So, are you two dating now?" Sehun finally asks. Being blunt doesn't fit well with what he used to think of Sehun. He's sitting so close to Junmyeon, he might even be a part of Junmyeon. Maybe he's really changed.

Baekhyun looks around the room to see all eyes on him except Chanyeol's. Chanyeol hangs his head low as his whole head has turned tomato red. Baekhyun starts smiling.

"Are you two? And you two?" He asks back as he points at the two couples. No one has ever told him, so he can't be sure. He also wants to divert the attention away from him.

He sees Sehun's cheeks turn a bit pink now too.

"Yeah, well, Jongin and I have been dating for a few months now."

"And Sehun and I just officialized it two weeks ago," Junmyeon says so proudly, holding Sehun's hand. Junmyeon has always had something against Baekhyun, but now it's almost unnoticeable.

"Oh. Well, congrats." Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol, who keeps picking his nails in a nervous manner. He can't really tell them if they're dating or not, since he promised to give him time. It's not like they would pursue other people, Chanyeol just isn't sure if he can pursue even one person.

Before it gets awkwardly silent, Chanyeol opens his mouth to speak. "Yeah, we are together too."

The five of them raise their eyebrows, but that shock quickly changes to happiness on Baekhyun's face. They'll have to discuss this later, whether this was just to make it easier for the friends to understand their situation or if Chanyeol actually meant it. He holds Chanyeol's hand and squeezes it with a warm smile. Chanyeol still seems to be nervous.

"I'm happy for you. You finally got him wrapped around your finger, huh, Yeol?" Jongin remarks, to which he awkwardly laughs. They all agree silently and shortly.

Chanyeol had him from the very first time they met, but they don't know that.

"What were the odds that all of us would have someone by the end of 11th grade?" Junmyeon says now too, amazed by the fact that none of them are single. And none of them are straight either. They're lucky this way.

The awkwardness fades quickly as they start talking about some fun stuff, unrelated to any couple things. And Baekhyun would be lying if he exclaimed to understand every word that leaves Sehun's or Junmyeon's mouths. They are too literate compared to Baekhyun. On the other hand, Jongin and Kyungsoo are attentive listeners nodding along to the talkative couple's story.

Chanyeol reaches for a few candies on the table and holds a marshmallow before Baekhyun's mouth. He seems happy, smiling shyly to the other.

Those eyes that shimmered with sadness the very first time he saw them, now hold something else to them, even if the sadness isn't gone. His therapy must be going well. Baekhyun smiles and takes the marshmallow between his teeth. Sweets only ever taste so good from Chanyeol's hand. 

Baekhyun only sees one person in this room, and it's Chanyeol.

*

Baekhyun turns to Chanyeol before going inside. Chanyeol didn't want to go home all alone, so Baekhyun invited him over. Even if it's already super late by now, they were at Sehun's for a couple of hours just talking and laughing. Maybe Chanyeol will stay the night. Baekhyun smiles at his cute little face.

The whole dating thing is itching on the back of his throat, but he swallows it down. He wants to believe he meant it. He smiles and receives a bright smile back in exchange. It really lights up his whole universe.

Finally, he creaks open the door, and they step inside. As obligatory, he first checks the dining area for his father. He needs to let him know that he's home safe and sound. Chanyeol tails behind him shyly.

"Hi, Dad, do you mind if-," He starts as he sees the back of his father, but his words die out as the father turns around with red puffy eyes. His father doesn't even spare a glance at Chanyeol, doesn't care what Baekhyun has to say.

Baekhyun's heart has stopped beating and it feels like all the following words keep on echoing in his head, flying in the air like a bunch of fighter planes shooting missiles at him.

"Your mother is coming home next week. Permanently."

Baekhyun swallows the lump in his throat and despite his dizziness, he turns around and starts walking towards his room. Chanyeol is left wondering on his spot, he can't really say anything right now.

"I… I need to be alone now," Baekhyun starts all scatterbrained. He hasn't had a single thought pass through yet. Only feelings that he can't even name, but they sure make him do things without thinking. Before he can close the door to his room behind him, he stares at Chanyeol before signaling him to come. "Chanyeol?" As if it was obvious that being alone meant together with the younger one. Chanyeol follows him silently.

For a second it's nothing but silence, as Baekhyun lowers his gaze on the door he just closed. He's still processing the information.

"How are you feeling?" Chanyeol gently asks, taking a step towards him.

Baekhyun takes in a shaky breath and before he can even process it, tears are rolling down his cheeks and his nose gets all runny.

He rarely cries. He didn't cry when his mother was in the hospital, he didn't cry when he missed her when it was late and the whole world felt like a horrible place. He didn't understand, so he brushed it off, played games to numb his bad feelings.

He wraps his arms around Chanyeol and cries on his shoulder, wetting his hoodie. Chanyeol rubs his back compassionately.

Finally, his brain starts to function again, thoughts finally pass through his neurons into his consciousness, but he can't yet form sentences, can't yet say it out loud.

He takes in a deep breath again, Chanyeol smells nice. Chanyeol is the nicest person he knows. He doesn't ask annoying questions, he doesn't talk over him, trying to make him understand himself better. No, Chanyeol is there, and he listens. He understands.

"I haven't seen her in over two years. I'm happy… But I feel guilty…"

Chanyeol parts from the hug to look him in the eyes. He smiles at him with that warm wide smile of his, before he leads him on the bed to sit with him. "Why?" He finally asks with his neck all bent weird in the bunk bed.

"Because… I'm an awful son." He looks down at his knees with his vision blurry. "I blamed myself for her condition. You know, she was severely depressed and things only got worse as years went by. She was so sweet and caring. And I felt her become worse and worse, her hugs seemed lifeless and she was tired all the time… So I grew more distant… I didn't try to help her…"

Chanyeol starts rubbing his back. So he continues.

"And one time I came home from school when I was sixteen, I found her on the bathroom floor, not breathing… I don't remember much of what happened next, I guess I called an ambulance and there was one nearby so they got here in time to save her. I saw her in the hospital but she was so out of it… It was so horrible… They told us that she had overdosed… Found out later that it was an attempted suicide." Baekhyun starts hitting his head. "Gosh, I'm so stupid! If I had just been… Nicer and kinder to her, maybe she wouldn't have tried to do that!"

Chanyeol takes hold of his hand to forbid him from hurting himself and he smiles compassionately. "You saved her. It wasn't your fault she has depression, but thanks to you and some professional help, she's coming home tomorrow." He tries to look at him but Baekhyun keeps avoiding eye contact. "I can't believe you've kept this all in for so long… No one would've guessed… You help others so much and so selflessly, is it all because you feel like you failed your mom?"

Baekhyun nods and Chanyeol slowly leans on him and hugs him from the side silently.

The air feels lighter. "Are you saying that it isn't my fault?"

"I'm sure you weren't the cause for her miseries. Depression is a mood disorder, and while you probably did make her sad from time to time, sadness is not depression. Only when the melancholy is consistent and difficult to get over is it called depression. I'm sure you weren't a consistent drag in her life."

Baekhyun sniffles and holds on to the arm on his chest, taking in what Chanyeol is telling him. That does make him feel better, but he's still too emotional to believe everything Chanyeol said.

"I couldn't even visit her in the wards… I was so ashamed… Dad never let me go… I haven't contacted her in two years. She must hate me… If only I had tried to make her feel better, we could've avoided this… Should've loved her more. Love her whole again."

"I've said this before and I'll say it again. You can't love someone whole again. Not when they have a mental illness." Chanyeol's words are stern and determined but very compassionate. How does he do that? Talking about this issue really makes him shine. This and music, the things that he is most passionate about. "But you can support her and make her journey there even a bit easier. But it's not your responsibility, only her own."

"If it's not my responsibility, then what is? Can't I do anything?" He turns to Chanyeol again, seeking validation with hope in his eyes.

Chanyeol bites his lip and thinks. Chanyeol is an excellent thinker, Baekhyun has not yet understood how he does it. "Just don't… leave. Be compassionate and empathetic but most importantly… treat her like you would anyone else. It's not fun being seen as nothing but your disorder…"

"I might just suck at that too, though." Baekhyun chuckles, but the problem is genuine. His mother shines light to the things he's tried to hide. Now that she's coming back, he can't hide them anymore.

"You're great with me, so I'm sure you're great with her, too. I wouldn't worry at all if I were you." Chanyeol pinches his cheek lightly in an effort to make him smile. "You keep a lot of things to yourself. You actually go through a lot but you mask it all by smiling and helping others… How can you be this selfless?"

"I dunno, how can you be so freaking sweet and smart?" Baekhyun has crossed his arms as he tries to divert the attention somewhere else.

Chanyeol shakes his head before pressing his head against Baekhyun's. "This is about you, not me. But you know… It's okay to be like this. I actually like you better now that you open up to me too. I know you try not to burden me or something but… Considering how much I dump on you, you better start crying to me about your problems too."

Because Baekhyun truly is a self-sacrificing man, and that usually only ever leaves him bitter. Even if no one asked him to compromise himself.

"Okay. I'll try to be more selfish and tell you things. But… I still feel guilty..."

Chanyeol keeps rubbing his back softly without another word.

Chanyeol really is the best one out there. Because Baekhyun might sacrifice a lot, but Chanyeol genuinely cares and listens without losing bits of himself in the process, even if things for him aren't easy either. How is he so strong? Why does Baekhyun feel so weak?

The guilt presses down on his chest harder and for some reason, he starts crying again, without the power to control the tears. Silent sobs leave his lips as his body quivers. But Chanyeol holds him in place, and that makes him cry harder.

Finally understood, finally cared for.

Baekhyun has a long journey left towards life-satisfaction, towards loving himself enough to put himself first, towards overcoming the trauma he's gotten in life. But he's on his way there, and he's not alone.

"Do you wanna meet my mother next week?"

Chanyeol takes in a breath but doesn't let it out, as if he was savoring the taste of the thought. "If it makes it easier for you, I'll be there."

Baekhyun smiles widely and turns his head to place a small kiss on his cheek as he mouths a thank you. Chanyeol smiles wide enough to show his cute little dimple. "Also, Baek… I really care about you. And you're very special to me. Just a reminder. And if you feel like you need to see a therapist or someone, you should. You could benefit a lot from it."

He nods and takes off his glasses as he reaches to put them on the nightstand. "Thanks…" A couple of tears still roll down his cheeks as he has nothing else to reply to Chanyeol. He resists the urge to bombard him with sweet compliments back because right now it's about him. Chanyeol would tell him to shut it if he did so. "Now lie next to me and let's forget about the world for a while."

He doesn’t need to tell Chanyeol twice.

Pressing his head against Chanyeol's shoulder is the best way to both remember that there is something good in this crooked world, and alternatively forget the bad things for just a few minutes. For a few minutes everything is completely still, everything is calm. And while he can't escape from reality anymore, for now, it's all he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 i love u guys i'm emo  
> i'll see you next year with the final update hehehe <3 have a blessed week


	10. gummy bear

Nothing makes sense.

Baekhyun talks and he talks but he doesn't remember any of the things he blurts out. Like everything passed by at a high speed and he's in slow motion.

A familiar figure enters his bubble of slow motion and slowly his surroundings and movements regain their regular speed.

It's Chanyeol, with a concerned look on his face as he takes his hand in his. "Are you alright?"

Baekhyun stares at him but he can barely focus his gaze. The hospital waiting room is too big, the walls and the floor and everything is white and the lights are too bright. Everything is a blurry mess.

He ends up nodding. As much as he adores Chanyeol, he can't focus on a coherent conversation. There's too much going on inside his small mind.

Baekhyun's father is already getting his wife out of her room, Baekhyun understands why he wanted to go alone first. It's been a couple of years since they've seen each other.

Why did they never get to see her? Did he ever talk to her while she was hospitalized? Did they have the option to?

"Are  _ you _ ?" He manages to ask Chanyeol to distract himself from his own well-being.

"Yeah, a bit nervous that's all. Probably not as nervous as you, but yeah, I'm seeing your mother for the first time ever."

Baekhyun chuckles lightly as he keeps bouncing his feet up and down.

Seconds go by so slowly as the two of them sit silently in the waiting room, doing what the room tells them to do. Wait. Patiently sitting on the couch.

Chanyeol makes the inside of his head a better place. He's decorated the walls with positive affirmations and the floors with understanding. Everything feels comfortable and cozy when Chanyeol is there, but sometimes the lights go out and it gets horribly noisy. It's not like Baekhyun is known for being a philosopher, he can't even hold a conversation with himself in his mind but now it's been awfully loud. 

He stares at Chanyeol and feels his body get a little less tense.

Before Baekhyun can even turn his head, he hears a familiar yet foreign voice call out to him. He slowly turns towards the voice and sees his mother standing only a couple of meters away from him.

His face remains unbothered as it feels like the room has entered a loophole in reality of time, time simply ceases to exist.

He keeps staring but nothing happens. She stands calmly in front of him, keeping her face rather still, and oddly enough, she looks exactly like she did years ago when he last saw her.

The reunion isn't exactly how Baekhyun had imagined it. He has trouble realizing that this is actually happening. This is a reality. Words no longer mean anything, he can't seem to open his mouth.

The mother breaks into relieved laughter as she gasps for air between her cries. Baekhyun still doesn't understand the situation, not when she walks towards him and kneels right in front of him. Baekhyun only keeps following her with his gaze with that same blank face.

She reaches out for his hands and he doesn't fight back. She looks at him with a smile that feels like the realest one he's ever seen. It's a smile that makes the whole room stare in awe. The kind that tells Baekhyun exactly the words that aren't being said out loud.  _ I've missed you, I love you, I'm glad to be back. _

Baekhyun feels the end of his lips curve into a small smile as the tears start to roll. The kind of facial expression exchanges that say all the things left unsaid.

It doesn't take long for them to hug. Baekhyun loves the motherly warmness of her hugs. He's missed that level of comfort, there's just something unexplainable in them.

Maybe everything is actually happening very fast, but it feels like everything's in slow motion. They don't say a word, only exchange looks as they pull away. 

Baekhyun has many questions, much resentment and bitterness bottled up in him, yet he can't remember anything he wanted to say. He really only wants things to go back to normal, if that's possible. Will things suddenly just be like they used to?

Or will Baekhyun have to worry about finding her passed out on the bathroom floor again? His face scrunches at the thought as his breath quickens. He wants to be distracted from these thoughts, forget they exist. At least deal with them… Later.

Baekhyun's vision gets blurry again, everything is too much…

But before his world collapses, he feels a hand on his palm, squeezing him back to reality. He turns his head to see Chanyeol staring at him with an assuring smile. Chanyeol. Chanyeol grounds him, Chanyeol makes him feel safe in this unsafe world. Everything goes back to normal when Chanyeol holds his hand.

It helps Baekhyun smile through the bitterness in that moment, because he knows now is not the time to lash out on her. But things are definitely not back to normal either, and they can't pretend they were.

"Mom, this is Chanyeol," Baekhyun says as his first words to her in years. "He's my…"

"Boyfriend," Chanyeol finishes the sentence for him with that same dazzling smile.

Some things have changed. Permanently.

His mother smiles and greets him. Just like that, they continue on like nothing happened, even though all of them know differently.

"I'm happy you've found each other." A small smile rises on his lips as she turns to exchange looks with the father.

For now, they swallow their doubts and bad feelings as they make their way home.

**

Baekhyun sits on the hood of his car, probably making dents all the way up to the engine. But he doesn't change his position. The cold metal feels cozy when there's a blanket between him and the car.

And of course, the person who means the most to him right next to him.

Chanyeol looks up at the sky, the millions of stars lighting up this dark night. His eyes sparkle as the stars twinkle, his dark pretty eyes reflecting the whole galaxy. Or maybe the whole galaxy is in Chanyeol's eyes.

"Why do stars disappear when I look at them? Why does everything always disappear?"

"Because they can’t make eye contact with someone as beautiful as you. You are the most beautiful in the whole galaxy, they're jealous."

"For someone who rarely thinks, you sure have the best pickup lines."

"For you, I could write a whole book." Baekhyun cocks his chin up confidently. His smile only grows bigger at the funny interaction.

Chanyeol rarely seems amused by Baekhyun's words, but he also can't stop smiling at his gestures and lines. Every now and then he glances at Baekhyun too, to make sure he's still there.

"Why'd you wanna bring me here?" Chanyeol whispers in his low voice.

"Right. Because you told me you've never seen stars before and… this view is beautiful." It's like straight out of a 90's film, the couple go to the edge of the city to make out on the car and to see the stars that are never seen because of light pollution.

The only exception is that they are not right above Seoul, no, and the only thing right in front of them is a very wide field. It's dark, but the moonlight is exceptionally bright tonight.

"But… That's not all."

Chanyeol gets visibly puzzled and slowly shifts his gaze back on Baekhyun.

It's been two weeks since Baekhyun got his mother back, they've started talking, and things have started getting better. Baekhyun learned that the reason they never got to see her and why his father never wanted to talk about her was because they didn't want to give any false hope to him. They didn't think he would understand. And she really wanted to get through it on her own.

Baekhyun didn't understand that method. If anything, close family relations should've been helpful in her recovery, and giving at least something for Baekhyun, a simple explanation or anything would've been nice. Now he's left with scars and mental wounds.

He looks down at his fingers as he starts rubbing them together nervously. "I'm starting therapy. Mom suggested it."

Chanyeol raises his eyebrows quickly, but that shock turns to excitement in a second. "That's great! After all you've been through… I'm happy to hear that."

Baekhyun smiles at the rather honest reply and nods. He opens his mouth but he doesn't want to say it yet. He only keeps staring at Chanyeol who keeps shivering under the blanket. 

"You do know that you're prettier than anything I have ever seen in my entire life? How every day I look forward to talking to you, how every day I manage to put a smile on my face because of you. You make me happy, Chanyeol. I… I admire you."

They stare at each other and smile. Seeking for warmth, they sit even closer to each other on the hood of the car. Baekhyun takes his other hand and pulls the blanket tighter on Chanyeol, smiling warmly at him.

Chanyeol hugs his body and maintains eye contact. "Baek, I admire you a lot. Your strength, your generosity and your kind heart. I really care about you."

Seeing Chanyeol wear such a genuine smile makes Baekhyun uneasy. A smile makes its way on his lips yet it struggles to stay there.

"I've also been thinking."

"That's dangerous."

Baekhyun looks up at the sky as he feels the presence of the one person whose company he enjoys the most. Chanyeol is so still, he's not fidgety tonight. Unlike Baekhyun.

"I've realized that I haven't been the best… boyfriend." He did ask if he could call Chanyeol that, but now that word makes him frown. Chanyeol knits his brows together as his face morphs into a question mark.  "I've never been good with words but despite that, I'll try to explain."

He takes in a deep breath, the air feels still and cold, just as excruciating as in the waiting room three weeks ago. He looks directly into Chanyeol's eyes and tries to make sense of his mess of a brain. But the sparkly eyes give him all the clarity he needs to proceed. "I can't give you things that would make your life easier. It hurts me to even admit that. I can't give you candy or any sweet words to make the bad go away. I wish I could, if that was the case, I would've done it a million times. And it's gonna be hard. There will be days when I feel like giving up, days when you'll feel like giving in. But then we just… Have to remember what we are really here for. Each other. You might have days when you feel like you're falling down, but you're not alone."

Chanyeol looks even more puzzled as his eyebrows knit together. "But that doesn't make you a bad boyfriend…"

Baekhyun bites his lips as he tries to cackle out the words. Like there was something in his throat stopping him. "All my life I've done nothing but tried to save people. No matter what it was, no matter who, all I want, is for you to feel… full. Happy. But… You've also made me realize that… I can't do that. I can't be your saviour, and… It hurts. If I'm not your saviour then… What am I? Who am I? I feel like I'm just repeating myself…"

The younger one doesn't hesitate to squeeze him in his arms, boldly throwing himself on him.

"I am forever grateful for everything you've done for me. But it… It kind of hurts me to think that I am some kind of project to you. Do you actually like me or were you only attracted to my sadness?" Chanyeol's words linger silently in the air and they feel like tiny knives sinking into Baekhyun's heart. His breath tickles his ears but the shivers feel cold.

Baekhyun pushes Chanyeol away from him gently, just enough to hold eye contact with him. "I like  _ you _ , everything about you, Channie. But it's possible that my subconscious only made me attracted to you because of my own issues in the beginning," he says and looks away. "What's wrong with me?"

Chanyeol takes Baekhyun's hands into his as his lips start quivering. "I… Baekhyun _ I love you _ , which is why this hurts even more. If we just try to fix each other, our relationship will be unhealthy, and I don't want you to resent me or vice versa."

Baekhyun fills his lungs so full with cold air that it hurts his chest. That, or his heart is breaking. "I know. I love you, Chanyeol… Which is why I think we should break up."

Chanyeol looks up at the sky again, not saying a word, only letting out a deep sigh. His eyes are glossy, they reflect the whole universe as he stares at the stars. "Everything always disappears. No one has ever loved me like you have, Baek, and I hate how… Right you are. We can't stay together before we learn how to be on our own..."

The silence is deafening. 

The younger one leans his head on Baekhyun's and keeps his gaze on the stars. The air is yet again thick, the silence is oppressive, but Baekhyun has always understood silence better than words.

"So… It's over? Just like that?" Chanyeol continues, he sounds disappointed as he doesn't hesitate with his words.

Baekhyun wraps his arm around Chanyeol's waist and smiles with a quick shake of his head. "It's never over for us, Channie. I only think we need some time apart to feel less… Pressured and more whole as individuals, you know? You're still my best friend."

"Okay, that makes sense. Can I still have hugs and kisses? Like what is supposed to happen now, what does this mean?" 

Baekhyun's gaze is yet again met with Chanyeol's. The latter seems confused, like he couldn't even decide whether to look at the stars or Baekhyun, which only further proves Baekhyun's point.

"We start over, of course. And we do it right this time. We'll take it slow," he says as he takes distance, holding out his hand in front of him. "Hi, I'm Baekhyun. I'm not really looking for anything serious right now, I just got out of a relationship. But I do offer hugs and kisses."

Chanyeol starts smiling, as usual, as he shakes the hand in front of him. "Chanyeol. And same, I just got dumped."

"Seems like we already have a lot in common, best friend."

They break out into laughter, so much that their cheeks hurt. Then they fall back into each other's embrace as if breaking up didn't mean a thing to them.

"Do you think we'll be alright?"

"It's written in the stars, Channie." They don't have to use much imagination to connect the dots to form the letters B and C and a heart between them in the sky. He holds Chanyeol's hand and makes him look at him, as if for the first time. "Because some things don't change. I'll forever love candy, and I'll forever love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaa it's oveeer ;_; thank you for reading <33 I hope you enjoyed this, my biggest hope was that this could bring as much comfort to you as it did to me. But if you even took the time to read this, I am thankful <3 
> 
> Special thanks to my beta uwu_yeol again <3 She's the best even though she says she forgets to be a beta sometimes hehehe~ I love you~
> 
> I also love you! Whoever you are behind the screen. Remember to be kind to yourself and others. Happy new year 2021! <3 I hope to see you in my future stories this year, I have a lot planned oooo~~ (also I have side stories of seho and kaisoo to this, tell me if you'd be interested in them, I could write and publish them :0) Feedback is always welcome<3
> 
> Anyways, thank you! Stay healthy and see you soon!! <33


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